Featured | Page 15 | Points in Case

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Darkness provides ambiance. Your food will look mysterious. Changing burned-out lightbulbs is a chore we just don’t want to do.

I still have all 327 of your fan letters from 1997--kick-ass Lisa Frank stationary, by the way--and I’m sorry it’s taken so long to respond.

This room also differs from other rooms in the home in that it features multiple bronze Paul Reiser statues bolted directly to the floor.

Okay, first of all: do you know Lisa Rinna? And is she nearby? Ideally I’d be talking to her. We Enlightened Ones worship her as a god.

I’m a notorious 1850s Vaudeville impresario known as “The Dean of Mean.” My top rule for performers is “don’t be a snooze.”

I do not rattle off these projections to inspire fear in the public. But we can no longer expect that IP extracted through traditional processes.

Was the Sun clean, odor-free, safe, and professional in appearance? How satisfied were you with your wait time for the Sun to set?

I learned a lot in my four years as Vice President of Relaxation in the Hygiene Department, I wanted to offer some reasons why I’m departing.

Rid thyself of toxins after a night of mirth and meade with Rejuvipure.

“Absolutely gripping—by the time you reach the end, you’ll have no doubt that the main theme in Charlotte’s Web is friendship.”

When someone mentions "that Marquette shot from '97," nod and say something noncommittal like, "Hoo yeah, that ol' can of worms!"

Just kinda set the money bags on your knees. I’d tell you to move the gold-plated racquet holder, but it’s welded to the center console.