My Requirements for a New Social Media App
Yes, I want to see my friend’s joke about pouring milk in the bowl before cereal, but I also want a bot to direct me to pussy in bio.
Tag: Guides and Listicles
7 Signs Your Grandmother May Have Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Don't be fooled by what may look like simple affection. This is a manipulation tactic meant to keep you emotionally reliant on the Narcissist.
Guidelines for Attending (and Winning) the Opera
To follow the opera’s story, you don’t need to be fluent in Italian, German, or hieroglyphics.
What the Office Supplies You Steal from Work Say About You
Paper Clips (Smooth Finish): You know the best jazz bars. Your turntable was designed by a Nasa engineer. You run marathons but don’t appear to sweat.
An NYT/Washington Post Fact Check of Laffy Taffy Jokes
The Claim: What did you call a pile of cats? (a Meowtain) Our Rating: FALSE. A group of cats is called a Clowder.
What My Next Week Would Have to Look Like for This Swiss Army Knife Purchase to Be Worth It
As the sun sets on the horizon, I use the bottle opener to crack open some ice cold beers and bond with my shipmates.
Everything I’m Afraid Will Happen If I Cry in Front of My Therapist
I'll have just spent $150 to have a breakdown when I could have done that for free, in my apartment, with ice cream.
How to Avoid Spoilers to the Book You’ll Never Read
Reading this book is your white whale, and avoiding spoilers is the rope wrapped around your neck, just like at the end of Moby Dick.
Musicals That Probably Would Not Be Popular in New York City
Basically this show is the plot of Guys and Dolls but, inexplicably, there is also one random guy on stage who keeps insulting Derek Jeter.
Ten Other Studies ExxonMobil Conducted but Conveniently Didn’t Tell Us About
The study ended after the cone of peach ripple divorced its husband on the grounds that he was having an affair with a strawberry cheesecake.
Tasting Notes of Cocktails You Will Not Be Ordering
There’s no way you’re shouting “SEX ON THE BEACH, PLEASE” over the too loud music.
What to Do Before Everyone Returns from Italy
Remind yourself that you don’t even like Aperol that much and that everyone who says they do is probably lying, at least a little.