A List of Apologies to Establishments from Which I Have Been Banned
Winkler Field in Saratoga: I’m sorry I repeatedly yelled, “I want that kid checked for steroids, he’s a steroid junkie” after a player hit a double.
Winkler Field in Saratoga: I’m sorry I repeatedly yelled, “I want that kid checked for steroids, he’s a steroid junkie” after a player hit a double.
Seven puts an end to the question, “Can a number outstay its welcome?” with a resounding, eye-rolling yes.
That time you got your first martini at the airport and took a pic for the group chat before tasting it and realizing you hate martinis.
Take some deep breaths and be mindful that there are several levels to the destruction you have wrought upon the one livable place we humans are aware of.
So wait, I can’t meet with you/speak to you/copulate with you without a loyalty card? Unfortunately not!
"Writing Gigs" -- A real tearjerker of a drama that takes place entirely during a job interview that turns out to be for freelance work.
What does democracy look like? This is what democracy looks like: it’s kind of pear-shaped.
Ulysses S. Grant: A cup of whole beans--Starbucks Christmas Blend--to eat raw as he squashes his enemies.
According to the Society for Appropriate Punctuation, the global supply of ellipses reached critically low levels during the last quarter of 2021.
The urinary mishaps of three potty-training boys mingle to deliver this temporally complex white.
Take a deep breath, relax, and let the current of "Ocean River Stream" carry you to notes of Mediterranean sex butter and unwashed ambrosia.
Discover a New Type of Bug: When you’re talking about the bug on National Geographic, make a joke about how you’re single.