There are just too many beautiful people here tonight! No, really. There are actually too many of you and roughly ten to fifteen people have to leave.
I didn’t help break into the Banco de España to see these delicious snacks I’ve generously prepared go to waste.
No, the sun does not have any terrestrial healing powers, but it can fry your skin and inflict life-threatening disease.
Jerry Kaufman (Your Dad): Did I think we were going to conceive a child during the Insurance Adjusters of American Convention? No.
He ruffles my feathers. He overcooks my sunny-side-up eggs. You know what I mean? Really Mondays my Garfield.
My clone is always ill. Plus, our clones are deficient in blood, because we didn’t give them enough blood, so they are often woozy.
I am going to yell into a pillow. I am going to scream in an empty car. I am going to throw a full tantrum in the grocery store cereal aisle.
I didn’t bring my resume with me but here you go: hahahahahhaa. See, I’m good.
5:00 AM – Catching the sunrise? Driving to hockey practice? This is the third least-late time ever invented!
Strong candidates will fit in with our diverse and dedicated group of cryptic caretakers, silent maids, hostile valets, and cursed children.
September 21st, 10:02 PM: “The Big Stinker” spotted again three miles away, hovering outside an elderly woman’s second-story window.
If they have a mentor over the age of sixty who spends most of their day wearing robes, then you are dealing with an absolute keeper.