Featured | Page 17 | Points in Case

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Our previous policy of zero in-office hawk attacks has been slightly adjusted to a new policy of many hawk attacks.

In the beginning, my friends didn’t want to come over and play, saying that my new games were “weird” and “hard to play” and “haunting.”

Peabody, Maynard, Wantwit, Athol, Muckspout: fastest route to Muckspout or scathing flurry of insults?

From the moment that Santa delivered Moo Moo to you under the artificial Christmas tree, Moo has felt smothered.

Not "thinning out." Not "George Costanza-ing." Nope. You're going full-on, sunscreen on your scalp, brain-practically-exposed BALD.

What’s your motive for second-guessing me every second of every day? Every week, we go through the same rigamarole.

Some people might ask, how long after modernism is it? A few hours? A few days?

Gallegory: Everything in a story represents something else, but only for the ladies. Men still have to read it literally.

Only when determined to be A Good Dude or A Pretty Good Dude, will This Dude I Know become My Buddy.

I was wondering aloud if my hair looked hideous and ratty like an overstuffed wasp nest. I didn’t even think you heard my medium-quiet whisper!

My sticker is hilarious because instead of a normie cartoon of my nonexistent wife and darling children, I’ve got two big guns.

I decide not to say “please” or “thank you” and I’m immediately pummeled to death by a diner waitress.