I Hope This Email Finds You at the Bottom of a Well
I gotta have more treats, Benji. I’m fiendin’ for it. You getting a paper cut will not be enough.
Tag: Editors’ Picks
A Note Regarding the Employee Suggestion Box and the Mothman in the Break Room
When life gives lemons, make sure to offer those to the Mothman in hopes the tart treat will placate his impulsive desires.
I’m a Literal Fish out of Water and the Hardest Part About Adapting to This Strange New World Is the Asphyxia
But I think the biggest difference I've noticed so far is the agonizing asphyxia. I mean, talk about culture shock!
What I Imagined “Going to the Bar” Would Be Like When I Was 12 Years Old Versus How It Was Last Week
Reality: The bar door is a push not a pull, and I make quite a scene trying to open it.
A Few Housekeeping Items Before We Stop the Nuclear Disaster
Now is the time for us to act quickly and decisively. But first, let’s take a moment to acknowledge our May birthdays!
Open Letter from a Group of Dead Grandmas Who Don’t Appreciate the Tattoos You Got to “Honor” Them
But now, a poor approximation of Jean Marie that looks similar to a haunted Victorian child is disfiguring the thighs of her two living legacies.
Insufficient Reasons for Using the Bat-Signal
The office toilet backing up is probably not the best use of The Dark Knight's time.
Why Wasn’t Your Book Dedicated to Me, Your Obvious Inspiration for the Antagonist?
And his use of my signature catchphrase, “Smell you forever because you stink that bad.” I knew I should have had that copyrighted.
Lost Dog: Do Not Chase, Respectfully Acknowledge
If spotted, DO NOT CHASE. Instead, acknowledge his beauty, respectfully. Obviously all dogs are beautiful, but he’s a stunner.
I Think My Pen Pal Might Be My Dog Trying to Get a Bite of a Ham Sandwich
I’m really excited to get to know you better! Where do you live? What are your hobbies? What are you eating right now?
Does Listening to an Audiobook Count as Reading If I’m Asleep?
Some part of my subconscious is absorbing everything though, right?
Your Bank’s Insurance Application Has Been Denied Because It’s in a Heist Movie
Remember the opening scene from "The Dark Knight"? That was one of ours.