I didn’t bring my resume with me but here you go: hahahahahhaa. See, I’m good.
5:00 AM -- Catching the sunrise? Driving to hockey practice? This is the third least-late time ever invented!
Strong candidates will fit in with our diverse and dedicated group of cryptic caretakers, silent maids, hostile valets, and cursed children.
September 21st, 10:02 PM: “The Big Stinker” spotted again three miles away, hovering outside an elderly woman’s second-story window.
If they have a mentor over the age of sixty who spends most of their day wearing robes, then you are dealing with an absolute keeper.
I suppose death could be right around the corner for us... In the movie, of course!
The publishing world has always had a bias against writers who have never actually written anything.
Having many strangers come to my home was a poorly thought-out concept, and adding alcohol to the mix surely would have created hellfire.
Say, what do you reckon they were thinking when they built such an itty-bitty town in the first place?
Good news! Vita Coco has just offered $4,500 to work their product into the show. Frasier just needs to say, "I’m loco for Vita Coco!"
If the football coach's team loses the game they dump acid on him.
In the eyes of a dog, I am nothing less than an eternal being existing beyond the constraints of matter and time. So where's my treat for being a good boy?