For a Nominal Fee, I’ll Scream at the School Board on Your Behalf
I’ll scream your name as many times as you’d like, or, as a new feature, I’ll rip my shirt off to reveal another shirt with a picture of you screaming.
Tag: Politics
If This Is a Scam Email, Why Am I Running for Congress as a Democrat?
FirstName, I am appalled at how my Republican opponent, Landsley Thornbeck, has been representing Name of State.
What I Imagine Happens at My Senator’s Office upon Receiving an Email from Me
This constituent definitely knows what she's talking about and in no way just copy-pasted talking points from an out-of-date email forward!
History Textbooks Updated with Uncritical Race Theory
Original: Columbus routinely captured the people living there as slaves. Corrected: Columbus brought Western values to the New World.
The Sunnyside Senate Retirement Community Is Here for Your Aging Senator
They spent their golden years in the legislative branch. Why not let them spend their platinum years thinking they’re still there?
Quiz: Did You Stumble into an Alt-Right Rally or My Sock Drawer?
- By far the most popular style: crew cut. - You never imagined that one place could contain so many worn-out heels.
List: Daily Affirmations for Conspiracy Theorists
- I accept that most people aren't as smart as me. - My inner resilience will help me carry on no matter what “scientists” say.
Niccolò Machiavelli Reviews Children’s Books
Charlotte’s Web: After reading this pathetic book, I threw it from the top of the Duomo, where it landed upon and killed a Political Realist.
List: Signs That Your Evangelical Christian Coworker Who Is Obsessed with Israel Wants to Discuss the Current Situation in the Middle East with You, a Jewish Person, But Is Unsure How to Bring It Up
Tries to order hummus at every restaurant on the lunch rotation and when told they don’t have it, indignantly asks, “why not?”
List: 15 Ways to Make the Filibuster More Painful
The “Calling Your Mom a Bitch” Filibuster – If 41 senators do this at least one time, the vote is delayed for a fortnight.
I’m Not a Bad Person, I’m a Performance Artist
You see, when I was fired from my job at Target for stealing money out of the register, it was actually a clever commentary on American capitalism.
List: Anagrams of Media Outlets That Reveal Their Sinister 420-Friendly Agenda, According to Newsmax’s Greg Kelly
The Hollywood Reporter – Horror: To Pelt Holy Weed Washington Post – Stashing Pot Now The New Yorker – Reek, Thy Owner