It’s been proven time and time again that this country thrives when we reach across the aisle, civilly shake hands, and give our wives their space.
We are really vibing with 2020. We just had bubble tea for the first time! Back when we were alive, tea was just this, like, sad British thing.
I am in the wrong house. Where are the 17 pieces of paper asking me to vote Jackie F to help save the environment?
I was last seen breaking into Madison Square Garden and jamming out to Blueprint where I fell asleep with a bleezie and burnt the building down.
The signature we have on file features Shrek ears over the "s" in an apparent reference to the 2001 DreamWorks film starring Mike Myers.
Harrison has devoted the majority of his campaign to securing a beach-themed winter dance, prompted by his older brother's copy of Girls Gone Wild.
Libra: You’re feeling frustrated because Jupiter is orbiting Buffalo Wild Wings and they won’t let you in without a mask.
Enter the front yard and you are immediately confronted with the Graveyard of the Norms. Every tombstone reads the name, "Norm 1776-2016."
Joe takes me out onto the balcony, places his strong, soft hands on my cheeks and whispers softly in my ear, “Amtrak.” We make love under the moon.
Hey, Maggie, I’ll cut right to the chase. Please, Maggie, confirm that you’ll see me at Miller’s Tavern tonight at 8 p.m.
Simon says please welcome the presidential candidates with any sort of noises you find appropriate—bearing in mind their last performance.
Every time I’ve been to a dinner party with our president, he sits next to my problematic uncle, and they talk practically in unison.