What I Imagine Happens at My Senator’s Office upon Receiving an Email from Me
This constituent definitely knows what she's talking about and in no way just copy-pasted talking points from an out-of-date email forward!
This constituent definitely knows what she's talking about and in no way just copy-pasted talking points from an out-of-date email forward!
Original: Columbus routinely captured the people living there as slaves. Corrected: Columbus brought Western values to the New World.
They spent their golden years in the legislative branch. Why not let them spend their platinum years thinking they’re still there?
- By far the most popular style: crew cut. - You never imagined that one place could contain so many worn-out heels.
- I accept that most people aren't as smart as me. - My inner resilience will help me carry on no matter what “scientists” say.
Charlotte’s Web: After reading this pathetic book, I threw it from the top of the Duomo, where it landed upon and killed a Political Realist.
Tries to order hummus at every restaurant on the lunch rotation and when told they don’t have it, indignantly asks, “why not?”
The “Calling Your Mom a Bitch” Filibuster – If 41 senators do this at least one time, the vote is delayed for a fortnight.
You see, when I was fired from my job at Target for stealing money out of the register, it was actually a clever commentary on American capitalism.
The Hollywood Reporter – Horror: To Pelt Holy Weed Washington Post – Stashing Pot Now The New Yorker – Reek, Thy Owner
Wish your wedding day would never end? With Ron Johnson’s help, it almost won’t.
People have asked, "Braeden, how will you balance the immense responsibilities of being America's 57th Bachelor with running for the office?"