The Parking Garage Is Compromised, So How About We Trade Federal Secrets at La Romantica?
As far as anyone here knows, we’re just one extremely handsome journalist and one extremely available woman sharing bruschetta.
Tag: Politics
We’re Coming for Your Ill-Begotten Gains, Oligarchs!
We’re thinking of them, we’re discussing them, we’re writing them down, and yes, we will almost certainly be imposing them!
Cancel Culture Is This Jar of Pickles I Can’t Open
Cancel culture is holding back the next Great American Novel, groundbreaking works of political theory, and my Wednesday afternoon lunch.
America, Please Elect Me as Our Country’s First Beta-Male President in 2024
I need your support to create an America where I, as President, never have to make direct eye-contact with any of you
Frequently Asked Questions About Our Fragile Democracy
What does democracy look like? This is what democracy looks like: it’s kind of pear-shaped.
Meet the Harlem Globetrotters of Redacted Documents!
Did You Know? "Stress Ball" is indirectly responsible for the death of ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛!
An Open Letter to Adam McKay About My Own Script, a Heavy-Handed Allegory for the Iran-Contra Affair
There’s something else rapidly becoming the defining issue of our time: the 1985 Iran-Contra affair. And goddamn, I’ve written a movie about it.
For a Nominal Fee, I’ll Scream at the School Board on Your Behalf
I’ll scream your name as many times as you’d like, or, as a new feature, I’ll rip my shirt off to reveal another shirt with a picture of you screaming.
If This Is a Scam Email, Why Am I Running for Congress as a Democrat?
FirstName, I am appalled at how my Republican opponent, Landsley Thornbeck, has been representing Name of State.
What I Imagine Happens at My Senator’s Office upon Receiving an Email from Me
This constituent definitely knows what she's talking about and in no way just copy-pasted talking points from an out-of-date email forward!
History Textbooks Updated with Uncritical Race Theory
Original: Columbus routinely captured the people living there as slaves. Corrected: Columbus brought Western values to the New World.
The Sunnyside Senate Retirement Community Is Here for Your Aging Senator
They spent their golden years in the legislative branch. Why not let them spend their platinum years thinking they’re still there?