May 5 – Cinco de Mayo: IVs previously containing live-saving antivirals and convalescent plasmas will be replaced with frozen margaritas.
Item Removal Charge: 660 million expired, room temperature vaccine doses. Attached note: “SEND BACK. Already had virus!”
Nobody likes working a job where their accomplishments go unrecognized or unnoticed, covert Russian hackers included.
10:00 AM Icebreaker: Hot Potato – Toss the Responsibility of a Stimulus Package Back and Forth Without Letting It Touch the Ground or Help Anyone
I think the lesson is: the stimulus check isn't about being able to afford basic necessities. It's about reconnecting with a part of myself I lost.
I don't need nothin' special or luxurious. I am just a regular guy with simple tastes and One Dollar rent.
Q: How can I tell if someone is trying to deceive me? A: Ever since my yoga teacher introduced me to QAnon I realized the importance of credibility.
I’m a Republican Building a Coalition with Democrats, and You Should Stop Worrying About Me Spending So Much Time with Your Wife
It’s been proven time and time again that this country thrives when we reach across the aisle, civilly shake hands, and give our wives their space.
We are really vibing with 2020. We just had bubble tea for the first time! Back when we were alive, tea was just this, like, sad British thing.
I am in the wrong house. Where are the 17 pieces of paper asking me to vote Jackie F to help save the environment?
I was last seen breaking into Madison Square Garden and jamming out to Blueprint where I fell asleep with a bleezie and burnt the building down.
The signature we have on file features Shrek ears over the "s" in an apparent reference to the 2001 DreamWorks film starring Mike Myers.