Cancel Culture Is This Jar of Pickles I Can’t Open
Cancel culture is holding back the next Great American Novel, groundbreaking works of political theory, and my Wednesday afternoon lunch.
Tag: Politics
America, Please Elect Me as Our Country’s First Beta-Male President in 2024
I need your support to create an America where I, as President, never have to make direct eye-contact with any of you
Frequently Asked Questions About Our Fragile Democracy
What does democracy look like? This is what democracy looks like: it’s kind of pear-shaped.
Meet the Harlem Globetrotters of Redacted Documents!
Did You Know? "Stress Ball" is indirectly responsible for the death of ⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛!
An Open Letter to Adam McKay About My Own Script, a Heavy-Handed Allegory for the Iran-Contra Affair
There’s something else rapidly becoming the defining issue of our time: the 1985 Iran-Contra affair. And goddamn, I’ve written a movie about it.
For a Nominal Fee, I’ll Scream at the School Board on Your Behalf
I’ll scream your name as many times as you’d like, or, as a new feature, I’ll rip my shirt off to reveal another shirt with a picture of you screaming.
If This Is a Scam Email, Why Am I Running for Congress as a Democrat?
FirstName, I am appalled at how my Republican opponent, Landsley Thornbeck, has been representing Name of State.
What I Imagine Happens at My Senator’s Office upon Receiving an Email from Me
This constituent definitely knows what she's talking about and in no way just copy-pasted talking points from an out-of-date email forward!
History Textbooks Updated with Uncritical Race Theory
Original: Columbus routinely captured the people living there as slaves. Corrected: Columbus brought Western values to the New World.
The Sunnyside Senate Retirement Community Is Here for Your Aging Senator
They spent their golden years in the legislative branch. Why not let them spend their platinum years thinking they’re still there?
Did You Stumble into an Alt-Right Rally or My Sock Drawer?
- By far the most popular style: crew cut. - You never imagined that one place could contain so many worn-out heels.
Daily Affirmations for Conspiracy Theorists
- I accept that most people aren't as smart as me. - My inner resilience will help me carry on no matter what “scientists” say.