Thank you for bringing me here. I’m absolutely certain the underground parking garage you suggested was compromised. That’s why I’ve chosen La Romantica. As far as anyone here knows, we’re just one extremely handsome journalist and one extremely available woman sharing bruschetta. The Post still pay expenses, right?

Don’t panic, but I think we’re being watched. Do you see the guy wearing the trench coat and trilby? I’m almost certain he’s from the Bureau or Agency I said I worked at. Ordering me the soufflé should throw him off the scent. No way someone in print journalism could afford the soufflé. Besides, the 40-minute wait will give us a chance to get to know each other. Like whether we’re married, have a girlfriend, or are looking for someone to be our girlfriend?

Oh God, now we’re being followed. They know how huge this exposé is going to be. Maybe we could lose them in that Louis Vuitton across the street. It’s the perfect place for me to reveal the official secrets I could’ve revealed to you in the restaurant. How much did you say The Post covers in expenses again?

I think we lost them. But just to be sure I think we should head into that carnival. I know I said I’d spill the beans about the government in Louis Vuitton, but my main priority was buying us disguises. What do you mean? Of course, my new Dauphine MM clutch bag is a disguise! The Bureau, Agency, or Organisation will never suspect someone with such great taste. Look, don’t worry. I promise you’ll get the document at the top of the Ferris wheel.

What a rush! That ghost train really makes you forget about betraying your country. Which I’ll do as soon as we get to the safe house. We should probably act like we’re engaged when we get there. I know my parents would be thrilled to hear their little girl got engaged. Did I mention my parents live at the safe house? In fact, the safe house is probably bugged. Maybe you should actually propose when we get there. I think that would make it seem a lot more authentic. You know, to the agents listening in.

Moving into a new safe house together was a smart decision. We can protect each other better this way. This story is sure to blow up when I eventually hand over the flash-drive full of national intelligence. Did I say it was a document before? My bad. But in all seriousness, I do think adopting a miniature dachshund is crucial to our security. Also, my water just broke and I want our son to grow up with a dog.

Remember it’s your turn to carpool today. Go get Jacob ready for school. He can’t be late for the first day of 5th grade! Be careful though, sweetie. The Bureau/Agency/Organisation/Hydra could still be tracking us. After all, I’m so close to handing over that accordion folder full to the brim with indicting reconnaissance.

You know what? I was going to wait until our anniversary dinner at La Romantica tonight, but I think you should open your gift now. That’s right, after all these years you’ve finally got it! Written confirmation that one day I will most probably give you my Rolodex packed with damning intel. This story is gonna be huge!