Peloton Instructors Coach You Through Your Mediocre New Year’s Resolutions
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Tag: Satire and Parody
I’m Bob from the Bob’s Red Mill Grain Bags, and I Want to Inhale a Family-Size Bag of Flamin’ Hot Fucking Cheetos
Have you ever fucking had a Flamin’ Hot Cheeto? Multiply that by fucking 800 and you’ll get an inkling about what the goddamn fuck I’m getting at.
Quiz: Is He Ghosting You or Is He Ghostface from the “Scream” Franchise?
He loves late-night, steamy phone calls when I’m home alone. I always tell him it’s such a boomer move but he just loves hearing my voice!
With a Cursory Knowledge of 3D Animation and a Controlled Dose of a Psychoactive Substance, I’m the Man for Your Bowling Alley Score Screen Needs
You are entropy incarnate. Which is captured much more accurately by this clip of a frog with long, sexy lady legs that burps up the word "Strike."
A Ranking of Pigs by Whose Heart I Most Want as a Transplant
Hamm from "Toy Story": Manufactured from plastic, Hamm should be the last option on anybody's transplant list.
January’s Poor Performance Will No Longer Be Tolerated
The Ethics Committee has taken notice of how January has benefitted from gym memberships, weight loss medications, and black-eyed peas sales for decades.
I Beg of You, Please: Don’t Order a Medium Soda
So, I mean, you wouldn’t ask me to go in there and risk an encounter with ghosts, would you? I could just give you a free upgrade to large.
Five Tips for Being Locked in a Trunk
I’ve been locked in a trunk so many times I’m startin’ to think I’m a set of jumper cables!
It’s Me, the Sitcom Laugh Track. Just Admit It: You Miss Me
What happened to us?! It feels like only yesterday I was making sure you dimwits knew when to laugh during all sorts of zany shenanigans.
I’m the Bookcase You’re About to Move Upstairs
You ever pick up a felled tree in the woods? Of course you haven’t! That sucker probably weighs 500 pounds! That’s the stuff I’m made of, baby.
I Just Returned from Space and I Will Bring It Up at Every Social Gathering
While all of you were walking on pavement like cavemen, I was defying gravity up in space.
Doritos’ “Bold Togetherness” Pitch to Rebrand the CDC
Doritos, we’re nothing but consistent. Doritos are always crunchy. We never give conflicting guidance on how to enjoy Doritos.