Sexual Fantasy: Football
“We’re number one!” I cheer. The team wheels around. “No,” they respond. “YOU’RE number one.” Then they offer to pay off all of my debt.
Tag: Satire and Parody
5 Ways to Answer the Question, “But Where Are You Really From?”
Humorous: Suggest, as a possible place of origin, "Yo momma’s ass." Smile to indicate that you are "just kidding."
Stop Putting Mixtapes in Teddy Ruxpin
It’s really nice catching up like this, but I do feel like we need to have a little talk, bear to man.
Pretending to Be a Dad so Other Parents Don’t Get Jealous of Your Baller Childless Lifestyle
Delete all the photos on your social media that indicate you ever had a life before children. Replace them with a solid wall of photos of your kids.
Godzilla vs. Empty Nest Syndrome
Minilla plods off, leaving Monster Island by himself. Godzilla chokes back his atomic ray as he remembers the first time he laid eyes on him.
Welcome to Hell – A Brand Book
Now you’re suspended on a wall of shard glass as rabid monkeys devour your intestines and Dave Matthews’ 2002 album “Busted Stuff” blasts on repeat.
I’m Sorry I’m Only an Attempted Murderer
Your family has a long legacy of murderers, and you hoped to marry one yourself. You envisioned a picture-perfect life as a convicted murderer’s wife.
The “Lex Ed” You Wish You’d Had When You Were Younger
Polls show that over 80% percent of people in their late teens have tried talking in a foreign language at least once.
It Has Come to My Attention that People Think My Small Business, “Randy’s Adult Superstore,” Is a Porn Shop
We're clearly marked, "Randy's Adult Superstore"! A normal store for normal, non-sex crazed adults. What’s the issue here?
An Oral History of Todd’s Hot Pocket Disaster of 2018
Rose* (Human Resources Officer, 1999-Present): He walked into this office on his very first day with that Hot Pocket.