Pop Music Arrangements You Can Give Your Middle School Strings Class to Distract Them From Your Anger Issues
Hopefully if you bring in "Eleanor Rigby," they will conveniently forget about how you threw a dry erase marker directly at a violist’s eye.
Tag: Satire and Parody
Sharp-Dressed John Doe v. ZZ Top
By all accounts, my client satisfied the legal definition of a sharp dressed man. And yet, the ladies did not come a-runnin' just as fast as they can.
Disney’s Latest Casting Decision is an Assault on our Judeo-Christian Tradition
I’m not angry at Disney. Who among us hasn’t been forced to decide between keeping all stories predictably white or…not doing that? It’s a tough call.
An Open Letter to My Male Colleagues Who Appear to Be Annoyed By My Constant Apologizing
I’m never totally sure what rises to the occasion of repentance, but I get the distinct feeling most things do?
The Beachball at a Corporate Sales Event Experiences Ennui
I was a philosophy major. I can’t say my studies haven’t served me well in my current line of work as the beachball tossed at corporate sales events.
Dear Employees: Please Fill Out Fortune’s “Best Companies to Work For in 2019” Survey, or You Will Be Tossed Into the Fiery Lava Pit
The new Boiling Lava Pit contains molten volcanic lava from the island of Heimaey, because here at DigiTech --- Authenticity Matters ©.
Thank You for Calling Divided Health!
You'll be on hold for at least 45 minutes before you hang up in an impotent rage, so may I help you with anything else before I transfer you over?
Timeline of the Socially Anxious Navigating a Summer BBQ
1:37 PM: Host will say that, “things should get cooking here in about 5 minutes!” This will be torture and will leave you craving a cheeseburger.
I’m Not Like Other Girls, I’m a Reptilian Agent Sent to Destroy Humankind
I don’t dress for the male gaze. I dress to cover my biohazardous innards so no one detects I’m a heat-seeking scaled creature.
I, The Boogeyman, Think You Should Vaccinate Your Child
What’s the point of locating a family to scare and waiting under a bed, if when I crawl out to scare the kid, they’re not even in there?