Gentlemen, It’s Been an Honor Smelling Candles with You All in This HomeGoods Today
It goes without saying that when you've sniffed wax with as many husbands in home décor stores as I have, you tend to get jaded.
Tag: Satire and Parody
Announcing My Seasonal Transition to Fairweather Friend
Fairweather Friend Season commences with the onset of colder temperatures, and/or bird migration, and/or closed-toed shoes.
10 Back to School Alternatives for Adults
A few alternative ideas for how to return to your youthful self and satisfy the urge to get back behind the desk.
What My Next Week Would Have to Look Like for This Swiss Army Knife Purchase to Be Worth It
As the sun sets on the horizon, I use the bottle opener to crack open some ice cold beers and bond with my shipmates.
Google Maps Directions for a Parent with a Screaming Baby in the Backseat
In 200 feet, check the mirror to ensure your child hasn’t escaped the car seat like a little Gen Alpha Houdini.
Bruce Springsteen Songs Ranked by the Degree of Flagrancy with Which He Uses the Word “Daddy”
Though I’ve never worked in the service industry nor do I know anyone who has, I know that, like all jobs, the head honcho is the daddy.
A Lengthy Puff Piece About Scout Walz, First Dog of Minnesota
Scout is as energetic, spry, and sly as ever—the Paul Rudd of lab mixes. What’s his secret? “I sleep sixteen hours a day,” he deadpans.
Your Promotion from Coworker to Friend Has Been Denied
We know this isn’t the news you wanted to hear, but unfortunately our pool was full of more qualified applicants or people we already know who lived closer.
I Am the Last Living Person on Facebook
I’m alone. There is no other person on Facebook. Every day, I open Facebook. I look for any sign of human life. There is none.
Parents, Just Fill Up the Volunteer Sign-Up Sheets and There Won’t Be Any Problems
You’re always baking anyway, what's one more batch of brownies? What about 12 extra batches?
Everything I’m Afraid Will Happen If I Cry in Front of My Therapist
I'll have just spent $150 to have a breakdown when I could have done that for free, in my apartment, with ice cream.
How to Not Humiliate Yourself as an American Abroad
You may be a smart and cultured individual who plays the mini crossword and watched that Stanley Tucci show about Italy. But it’s the reputation.