Memory Like a Goldfish? I’ve Got a Memory as Long as the Time You’re Going to Spend in Hell for Trapping Me in This Bowl
Are you familiar with the phrase, “Living your best life?” Do you think that’s what is going on in here?
Tag: Featured
For Sale: Beautiful New Home, 3 Beds, 3 Baths, and 8,723 Toilets
Everyone in the house could be pissing at the exact same time, which is something you could do if you wanted.
A Eulogy for Tom Brady (1977-2296)
When Tom first started playing, there were no 5th downs or 100-yard field goals. And every game took place on Earth, where gravity was a huge factor.
The Babadook No Longer Lives in This Book, Which Unfortunately Reduces Its Value at Auction
That’s right, the book's value at auction is thirty dollars without the Babadook.
Goosebumps Books You Almost Remember
Goosebumps #11: The Currency Exchange For Monsters: Monsters Have Currency Exchanges, I Guess
Broadcast of a Baseball Game Between Dads Checking on a Sound in the Middle of the Night with Baseball Bats and Louisville Slugger Factory Workers Who Test Bats for Quality Assurance
The dads effectively hit everything except the ball causing a lot of property damage while the factory workers could not settle on a bat.
What Owning Box Seats in Every Baseball Stadium Says About You
St. Louis Cardinals: You can't climax unless it's a 1-0 pitchers' duel.
Please Excuse the Smell on This Train Platform, I’m Making a Bit of a Soup
Nonna’s soup needs to be simmered in a big-bottomed cauldron for 14 days and 14 nights. Do you know how hard it is to find a premium cauldron in New York?
Approaching Being Buried Alive with a Business Mindset
When a tortuous, claustrophobic death rears its ugly head, winners HUSTLE HARDER.
A Template for Confessing Your Infidelity and/or Announcing You Are the New Pope
I think we can all agree: it is odd how a single (accidental text message / vote with my fellow Cardinals) can change the course of history
That There’s Oil. Texas Tea. Economy Slime. Hot Rockolate.
Iced lava. Coal brew. There Was Blood, A Long Time Ago. Dinosaur Smoothie. Tyrannosaurus rocks. Triceratopped off.
If You Wish to Print a Document, You Must Pass These Six Trials
You pray the gods will soon fill your hands with a warm United States Passport Application. Oho! It is not so simple.