Weekly funny lists for readers on the go. Quizzes
Dining Room Swear Jar: $1 Dark Corner Of The Attic Swear Jar: $57 Home Office Swear Jar: $0
In March, you say goodbye to your family, friends, and old way of life. It’s time to prepare for a rough journey ahead.
Let whiskey cook slowly until boil. Add reckless spoonfuls of cinnamon until brown haze floats over liquid like a haunted fart.
Left sleeve: Since my left hand is not my dominant hand, I could probably make it an hour or two without this sleeve, but it wouldn’t be ideal.
Best wishes: You are a cold-blooded sadomasochist who is fully aware that by vocalizing one's wishes, they will never come true.
Libra: You’re feeling frustrated because Jupiter is orbiting Buffalo Wild Wings and they won’t let you in without a mask.
Does this apartment have a laundry machine, and just out of curiosity, has anyone discovered a way to wash the mind?
Joe takes me out onto the balcony, places his strong, soft hands on my cheeks and whispers softly in my ear, “Amtrak.” We make love under the moon.
Hey, Maggie, I’ll cut right to the chase. Please, Maggie, confirm that you’ll see me at Miller’s Tavern tonight at 8 p.m.
You have a personality. Other girls don’t. They have no personality. They aren’t funny and they have no hobbies or interests to speak of.
Early Adopters: The line you wished you’d gotten into to get the better kids than the ones you’re in lockdown with.
Fund your retirement account - The best time to start investing is when you’re born. The second best time is when you’re completely potty-trained.