Wounded Keyboard Warrior Project – Provides ergonomic computer interfaces for patriots injured in online political arguments.

Heifer International – Helps spread “Yo mamma so fat” jokes to every nation of the world.

Sierra Club Foundation – Preserves ‘80s computer games like King’s Quest for future generations.

Doctors Without Border Collies – Provides lovable, intelligent pets to hard-working medical professionals.

Shriners International – Teaches children not to be afraid of creepy guys in funny hats.

Ronald McDonald House – Teaches children not to be afraid of creepy guys in clown makeup.

The Clinton Foundation – Tearing the roof off this sucker to make Congress just as funkadelic as Parliament.

People for Ethical Technology at Amazon – PETA fights for the rights of innocent web servers trapped in cramped, frigid data centers. Support free-range server farms!

United Whey – Provides protein supplements to underprivileged kids who want to get swole.

The Salvation Army – Your donation will turn plowshares back into swords to arm the faithful for the final battle with evil. It’s coming!

Unplanned Parenthood – Yeah, paying off some of that back child support you owe would be nice, deadbeat.

Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation – Look, if you haven’t heard about the microchip thing yet, then we just don’t know what to tell you. Enjoy your 5G brainwashing, sheeple.