A Remote Mountain Forest

One with streams of various sizes to forge. And a clearing for pitching a tent under a meteor shower. And a pack of wolves, coming right up on this vehicle because they sensed its wildness—your wildness—and are here to accept you as one of their own. This muddy car plus your wolf family will make for a pretty incredible #weekend-pics Slack post come Monday. Everyone will think “Dave is the most adventurous person in the office.” And they’ll be right.

When you hear the call of the wild, you know how to answer—and all starting at $125,000 with no monthly payments for 90 days.

Untouched, Virgin Desert

You’ve never been to the desert. You’ve never been to a forest before, actually. You’re not really a nature person. But that’s ok: the best way to experience the outdoors is from inside this giant vehicle. Imagine how much fun it will be when your first interaction with sand dunes is driving right the fuck through them knowing you got $5,000 total cash back allowance.

You are freedom. You are escape. You drive places that are not just the grocery store and back.

Look how this vehicle gleams on a ridge at sunset. This pic will for sure get the most action in Slack, even more than Sheryl’s picture of her dog Waffles on its stupid kayak again.

A national wildlife refuge

Drive through a herd of American bison and feel the frontier coursing through you. Commune with a grizzly bear even after you accidentally run over her cub because she can tell you took advantage of 10% off MSRP during Toyotathon—just like she would, if she participated in the market economy. This vehicle is called “Tahoe” or “Denali” or another word evocative of deep wilderness, which is why there is literally nowhere you are not allowed to drive it.

So go on: release your wild side. Everyone will see the pic of the bear rocking your vehicle back and forth and think “Dave and his SUV never do boring things like sit in traffic.” They won’t even notice Waffles wearing its stupid little hiking pack. What are you even carrying in there Waffles? A single granola bar? Call us when you can drive.

A Protected Shoreline

Some tidal mudflats for doing donuts. An endangered species of sea turtle only you can help save because this 6,000 lb vehicle is the perfect implement for raking up beach litter. You drive this car because you care about nature. Because you are nature. And because right now there’s only $1,500 cash due at signing.

Everyone will see the pic of those turtles laying their eggs under your tires and think, “Wow, I didn’t know you could drive that close to sea turtles. Dave is the best at Earth.” And then they’ll see the photo of Waffles in a basket on the handlebars of Sheryl’s bike on the way to a local river cleanup and think, “Does Sheryl not own a car or something? Yikes. Someone should tell her about the Kia Red Tag Sales Event. And maybe Dave is the one who should have gotten the promotion? Just a thought.”

The Ocean

Into the waves. Onto a coral reef. A bank of seals in the near-distance will begin to clap as one of the 370 remaining North Atlantic Right Whales breaches in the background of this, your most inspired #weekend-pic.

The moment the office sees it, your coworkers will start a slow clap standing ovation and Sheryl—knowing Waffles cannot top this—will decide to quit not only #weekend-pics, but her job, and you, Dave, will get that promotion.

It won’t even matter that your car won’t start after you’ve driven it into the ocean because you’ll have the raise you deserve, and because during Truck Month you can rollover the outstanding balance on any vehicle into a new loan with 0% APR for the first 6 months for well-qualified buyers. See your local Ford dealer today.

This giant SUV: Get out there—or just tell yourself you will, we don't care.