Introducing the New Chase Fiefdom Card
With this card, you will still enjoy the same tiers of service with our travel partners, but with updated levels of service to keep up with current trends in wealth disparity.
Tag: America
Are You Engaging Your Core?
The average American couldn’t even locate their core, even if it was part of their own body, which it most definitely is.
A Menu of Our Fine, Illegal French Cheeses and Their Legal-to-Buy-and-Own Assault Weapon Pairings
Bleu De Gex: Known for its blue veins, it is aged for three weeks with Penicillium roqueforti, and cannot be legally sold in the continental United States.
“Trains Are for Danes!” and Other Protest Slogans by the US Highway Lobby
FEEL THE PAIN IN YOUR BICYCLE LANE WHILE I DRIVE BY PRAYING FOR RAIN
Alternative Forms of Voter ID for Each State
North Carolina, Tennessee, Missouri, Arkansas — A bottle of your signature barbecue sauce (signature must be on bottle)
How to Not Humiliate Yourself as an American Abroad
You may be a smart and cultured individual who plays the mini crossword and watched that Stanley Tucci show about Italy. But it’s the reputation.
The U.S. Begs England to Take Them Back
It blows my mind that we used to be one country, isn’t that wild? But enough about me. Tell me what have you been up to?
I’m the Man Who Gets Paid to Say “Tut Tut” Every Time You Think About Sex
Depending on how gross the thought is, I’ll either do a full “tut tut” or just a simple tongue cluck. It’s an art, really.
A Northern Writer Writes a Southern Story
Pa was hard at work at his moonshine-still turning cotton into cotton gin. Grandpa was reading the paper. The paper was also Southern.
Congratulations Patriot, You’ve Been Selected to Get Launched into Space
For safety, we’re tying you right to the tip of the rocket—far from the hot hot thrusters. You’ll also get plenty of SPF to protect you.
Notable Events from NASA’s Early Space Program
1851: As railroads begin crisscrossing the nation, NASA constructs its own line of over 300 feet of railroad track going straight upward.
Now That Everyone Knows Aliens Exist, Can I Please Hang Out with You Guys after Work?
I offered to shapeshift so that I look exactly like Kevin or even just wear a baseball cap if it would be helpful.