Follow-Up Questions About Your Answer to the Security Question “Who Was Your Childhood Best Friend?”
PARTIALLY CORRECT. Trapper Keepers were rad. However, Krista never “shared” one with you.
Tag: Lies
Bullshit Candle Scents We’d Still Buy
Take a deep breath, relax, and let the current of "Ocean River Stream" carry you to notes of Mediterranean sex butter and unwashed ambrosia.
How to Wrap Your Gifts to Make It Look Like You Spent Time Thinking of What to Buy
Strategic Rips and Tears in the Packaging: Claim that the present must have gotten damaged in transit due to it being shipped from a far-away exotic place, like Hartford.
A Template for Confessing Your Infidelity and/or Announcing You Are the New Pope
I think we can all agree: it is odd how a single (accidental text message / vote with my fellow Cardinals) can change the course of history
What Your Astrological Sign Says About You (Behind Your Back)
Taurus sun is grounded and earthy. I did hear it spreading a rumor that you lied about meeting Joey Fatone though.
I Told My Mom I Was Timothée Chalamet and We’ve Never Been Closer
Suddenly, I was all she could talk about: “He’s been compared to a modern-day Brando, you know,” I overheard her telling her sister on the phone.
5 Ways to Forget Your Ex by Redecorating
A common bedroom reno tip is to take a fancy trash can—like that gaudy, twisting, fuchsia disaster that Rachel bought—and flip it upside-down.
Most Insightful Quotes from Mark Twain That I Have Falsely Attributed to Him
"How smart can this so-called Smartwater be if it allowed itself to get trapped in a bottle like that?" —The Twainster
“The Toys Are Sleeping” and Other Lies I Tell My Toddler
"The cat is sleeping right now. Use your quiet voice." / He’s not, but he’s 107 in people years. Stop screaming in his face.
Suggested Organizations for End-of-Year Charitable Tax Donations
Wounded Keyboard Warrior Project – Provides ergonomic computer interfaces for patriots injured in online political arguments.
Merch from Elite Colleges I Did Not Attend
My Princeton hoodie, whose drawstrings are connected to my arms, so if you pull them you can turn me into your personal puppet.
What I Imagine Happens in the Books I Tell People I’m Reading
Becoming by Michelle Obama - A brief history of the bureaucratic red tape Michelle had to jump through to change her last name from Robinson.