How to Deny Basic Facts
Alternative facts are just as good as regular facts. Better, even, because the only limit is your imagination!
Alternative facts are just as good as regular facts. Better, even, because the only limit is your imagination!
If there’s not enough pollution in the air to do serious damage to your lungs, doctors will suddenly find themselves out of work.
Redirect the Attention. Infiltrate the Distraction. And Proceed as if Nothing Has Happened. Together, they form a useful pneumonic: RIP.
If anyone’s screen-sharing with a cop, it won’t be long until you’re keeping six feet away from the living. Screen-sharers are dead to me.
I think I just saw Grandma's ghost! She’s headed towards the Applebee's down the street. I should follow her just to make sure she gets a booth.
"If your prognostication about a pending recession proves true, I have faith you’ll be among the few who can still afford bottle service."
First there was a cluck-cluck here, then a cluck-cluck there, but soon my nightmares were filled with the cooings and cawings of the foulest fowl.
"The virus's signature blend of 23 flavors is truly unique, which is why it was clearly made in a Chinese military lab." -Dr. Pepper
Or the time that he got the whole school to chant "Mr. O’Brien is a virgin" when I was doing announcements during the assembly?
SWYTCH? ZOOTAXY? FROUZY? You don't think we can tell? Oh, we can tell.
But I’m gonna lie to y’al' so’s y’all have an excuse to sit a spell with me at this here combination A&W-Long John Silver’s-Exxon gas station.
Since you believe we’re immune to feelings, it only makes sense that you believe we’re immune to the coronavirus, too.