Hold on Boys, I Can’t Break This Ancient Curse without My Tank Top!
You know what it looks like. It’s the same tank top I wear every time we get together to defeat an age-old evil or combat a monstrous hellion.
Tag: Lies
Harry Potter’s Grief Letter to Dumbledore
I cannot forgive you for making me spend what would have been my final year at Hogwarts shitting in the woods.
Leonardo DiCaprio Quote or the Last Thing I Said Before Getting Slapped in the Face By My Good-Time Gal at Lover’s Lane
When a role for a young guy is being offered to me, I think of River Phoenix. It feels like a loss.
List: Suggested Reading for Your Not-Woke-Enough 6-Year-Old
The Little Engine That Lost Its Medicare - After losing a spoke while transporting cargo, The Little Engine is no longer able to afford repairs.
Mysteries Involving the Rich and Powerful
The doors and windows are all open and the room is empty except for a puddle of water under the body. How can this be?
List: Rejected Chapter Summaries From “Stranger Things – Season 3”
The gang meets at the gym as they each try to punch the hottest boy in town. Curly Girl has a touching feminist discussion with mom about journalism.
List: Little Known Presidential Facts
Grover Cleveland was not the first, nor last, president to wear a diaper while in office, but was the first to wear a diaper made of human flesh.
So You Want to Be the Devil’s Advocate
Must have a very strong bladder. We don't have many public restrooms here in Hell, and you will almost certainly have to wait in line.
Quiz: “Forrest Gump” or Jonestown?
"Oh, now, don't you be afraid, sweetheart. Death is just a part of life. It's something we're all destined to do."
Sorry, Your Fire Insurance Doesn’t Cover Fire Damage
I empathetically understand why you think your house burned down, but technically it was destroyed and not “burned down.” This difference does matter.