Autumn Moth Tail: Unwind with notes of holly sage, pinebone, and brittle pepper.

Vanilla Hike: Step into a soothing cocktail of cream husk, hisslecheeks, and jarred pancakes. Eco-friendly nature wax added for anxiety relief.

Ocean River Stream: Take a deep breath, relax, and let the current of the ocean river stream carry you to notes of Mediterranean sex butter and unwashed ambrosia.

Saturn’s Rings: Stand on top of a school building and marinate your senses in this blend of wild hopscotch berry and space almond. Non-toxic and edible for heartburn relief.

Cappuccino Rain: Sprawl your delicate, nude body out in the middle of the street and fill an orifice of your choosing with the aroma of freshly dried guanna guanna guanna seed, coco rinds, and wizard’s dew.

Springtime Lavender Honey Laundry: Clear your schedule and get ready to commit nasal adultery with this floral, herbal, almost vaginal scent reminiscent of the best day you have ever lived. Cures pneumonia. Great for mom. Great for moms with pneumonia.

Woodland Storybook: Pass a direct ballot initiative in your state legalizing polygamy so you can allow your senses to openly engage in carnal relations with notes of crisp daisies and subtle hints of uncrisp daisies.

Childhood Grapefruit: If you light this candle, you will immediately turn into a butterfly.

Your Grandmother: Remember what grandma smelled like? That’s what this candle scent is. Smell grandma again by buying this candle. Vegan soy wicks for hemorrhaging relief.

Southern Bourbon Bacon Whiskey Porter: Get the job done with a manly scent made for men. Men’s candle for manly men. Great for him and his manly men.

Emotional Waterfall: A gentle downpour of Caspian impotence and silly string extract awaits you. And it won’t wait forever. Hurry. Run. Base notes of viola nectar, Shire musk, and charred oat water. Time’s running out. Comes with sustainable packaging for brain tumor relief. Go, now!

God: Our signature scent. Honeymilk breezes wash over white sands stained with the blood of Sodomites as you slowly die. Rip out your spinal cord and let this all-knowing, spunky fragrance seep into the fibers of your subconscious mind so you can understand the fucking world, man. Perfect housewarming gift.


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