One week of these scared straight soups and your offspring will be begging for another Allrecipes "Easy Cheesy Noodle Family-Friendly Casserole."
You have such nice legs. I’m glad you’re finally wearing something that shows them off. / You didn’t even notice my new slacks. Do you like them?
How Opening Up About Going Gluten-Free Gave Me the Confidence to Bore the Shit out of Everyone I Meet
I owe it to the world to share, and the world owes it to me to shut its bread hole and endure my incessant babble about chickpea pasta.
You hope to start a family because... A) You want to have babies with him. B) You want to raise your children under her shadow government.
I'm using my little green thumb to turn up the thermostat and the humidifier at the same time. Now I'm using both hands.
“Triumphant” and “human spirit” are always code for books that are shitty, depressing, and highly unlikely to have consensual oral sex of any kind.
I like the idea of burying it next to a tree. But since we can’t even keep the racoons and possums out of the compost bin, that’s not happening.
The three most frequent commercials running during Days of Our Lives, and their insulting implications for you, the lazy sack of shit on the sofa.