The old saying “you marry the whole family” is just as true today. So before making a lifetime commitment, make certain you're in it for the right reasons. Take this quiz to find out if you're genuinely crazy about him or if it’s really his mother who you want to drive you eye-twitching, talk-to-yourself, batshit crazy for decades to come.

1. You want to spend the rest of your life waking up to…

A) His face.
B) A houseful of his mother's watercolors and products of any future hobbies, including but not limited to cross-stitch, pottery, basket weaving, or knitting.

2. You want a wedding ring that…

A) He picked out just for you.
B) Belonged to her mother so she can inspect it every time she sees you because you don't know how to take care of nice things.

3. You hope to start a family because…

A) You want to have babies with him.
B) You want to raise your children under her shadow government.

4. You want to spend weekend mornings…

A) Cuddling up with him in bed.
B) Feeling guilty because you're not at Church/Synagogue/Temple, even though no one in his family goes, and you never said you would convert.

5. You are considering taking his last name because…

A) It seems like it might be a hassle not to do it.
B) She already ordered monogram towels that you'll have to put out when she visits because yours are “practically rags that should go in the trash.”

6. You want to grow old…

A) With him.
B) Watching her become frail and elderly, racked with guilt for harboring such monstrous resentments against a sweet old lady who is only trying to help, and by the way, is one of a handful of people on Earth who would lay down her life for your children. God, you ungrateful wench!


Mostly A's: Wow! He's “the one.” Congratulations on finding your soulmate!

Mostly B's: Uh-oh! It sounds like your mother wasn't quite overbearing and critical enough, so you're trying to marry into it. Consider becoming his mother's personal assistant instead. Creating a The Devil Wears Prada situation might be just what you need to scratch that itch.


And now a quick joke...

A humor writer walks into a deli and orders a pastrami on wry. The order is then rejected.