I Wouldn’t Have Scored This Winning Goal If I Knew a Bunch of Sweaty Dudes Were Going to Jump All over Me
There’s so much bare, wet skin chafing against me right now I’m having second thoughts about burying that winner.
Tag: Men
I’m Begging You: Ask Yourself These Questions Before Ruining Your Life with a Truck
Do you want to wear a neck brace every day for the rest of your life? My wife filed for divorce because she couldn’t stand to be seen with me.
Shopping for Father’s Day When You’re His Secret Family
What do you get a man who already has everything, including three other children who live in a nice neighborhood and are allowed to use his last name?
Your Dad Designs a Clinical Trial to Test the Claim “A Little Dirt Never Hurt Anyone”
Based on my literature review of opening my eyes in public, everyone is afraid to get some mud under their fingernails and quality of life is one foot in the junkyard.
Things I Learned About Phishing from My Dad Last Weekend
It’s better to start with the minnows and then move on to the whales. Tricking an employee to divulge secrets is easier than tricking the CEO.
Oh Thank God, the Man Who Shouts “Somebody Get Help” Is Here
Hey, Officer, don’t look so worried. I’m the best there is. I advised Al Pacino on how to shout “somebody get help” in "Heat."
Ways to Recover After Waving Back at Someone Who Didn’t Wave at You
While everyone is looking at your waving hand, use your other hand to reach into your pocket for the smoke pellet you keep for situations like this.
You’re Gonna like the Way You Look—or Else
And if you don’t, let’s just say we have ways to make you like the way you look. I fucking guarantee it.
Help! I Mrs. Doubtfire’d So Hard That I’m the Most Sought-After Nanny in the Tri-State Area
What else was I supposed to do, take practical steps to be a better father and husband? Who has the time for that?
Finally, Hims for Dogs
No one asked for this, but they never said we couldn’t do it either. It just seemed like something the world needed.
I’m Philip, a Colonoscopy Doula, and It Would Be My Honor to Assist You on Your Journey
Let me explain how my bespoke packages can help you make your colonoscopy not merely a procedure, but a celebration.
Who Actually Said, “Actually, Gandhi Never Said, ‘Be the Change You Want to See in the World’”?
There is evidence that Festerman did correct people on the Gandhi misattribution but there is no evidence he actually felt better about himself.