1. You have such nice legs. I’m glad you’re finally wearing something that shows them off.

2. Give me a hug. Not like that, a real hug! What’s the matter? Are you mad at me? Then give me a hug.

3. Why did you put your hair up? I like it so much better down.

4. Will you send me a picture of you in that new dress?

5. Did you change shampoo? Lean in closer to me. Why not? I just want to smell it!

6. Who keeps texting you? Is he your boyfriend? Do you let him stay over?

7. You didn’t even notice my new slacks. Do you like them?

8. You really should try and smile more. You look prettier when you smile. Frowning like that will give you wrinkles.

9. Can I braid your hair later?

10. Check out the figure on that lady—those perky breasts and that tiny waist. What a knockout!

11. What are you wearing? Nothing! I just think it looks a little mannish, that’s all.

12. Have you thought about putting on some lipstick? It might help you not look so tired and washed out.

13. It was only a joke. Geez! You girls are so sensitive nowadays.

14. All I’m saying is that if you’re going to wear that sweater, you might want to think about a bra with more support in it.

15. Somebody sure is grumpy today. Is it that time of the month?


My Mom: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15


And now a quick joke...

A humor writer walks into a deli and orders a pastrami on wry. The order is then rejected.