The truth is that we have something you want, and you probably don’t have much choice.
When you sing to your baby please use public-domain music.
I Better Not Let My Emotions Get in the Way While Transporting This Ruthless Killer That I Have Personal Connections with on Halloween Night
You can provoke me all you want but I'm not going to do anything irrational. Except remove your handcuffs in a parking lot.
Unbiased Yelp Review That Has Nothing to Do With the Fact the Restaurant Wouldn’t Accommodate My Sloth
The restaurant would tell you that a lot of my experiences were colored by my sloth, but I disagree. This could happen to anyone, even the slothless.
There are just too many beautiful people here tonight! No, really. There are actually too many of you and roughly ten to fifteen people have to leave.
My clone is always ill. Plus, our clones are deficient in blood, because we didn’t give them enough blood, so they are often woozy.
Some things just can’t be fixed with free waffle fries.
My initial thought was to upload old home movies of my clarinet recitals and junior varsity soccer games.
The suits on Capitol Hill are scared of an everyday American taking two of our country's greatest pursuits, knives, and recreational explosives.
So wait, I can’t meet with you/speak to you/copulate with you without a loyalty card? Unfortunately not!
Please Take Notice: If You Ordered an IHOP Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity Breakfast between March 14, 2016 and August 4, 2017, You May Be Entitled to Compensation
If you ate all that, we’re astonished you are alive to read this notice. Your arteries must be as hard as bricks.
Lethargy, or complanata torporem, meaning “flattened by torpor.” Use this defense when you’re desperately late out the door because it’s a cold.