Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
Emily, I couldn’t help but notice you texted “we’re gonna soooooooooo fucked up. 🤪” Would you be willing to own next steps on that?
Don’t mean to harp on this but please use a coaster. I know we’re in a bar but the wet circle under the glass… sorry, it’s just the way I was raised.
A clumsy answer could lead to confusion. Too much detail, and you risk sending your flat friend into an existential spiral.
We ask that all freed prisoners make their way back to the entrance of the Cave in an efficient, but respectful manner.
To start, what kind of face wash do you use? Quel horror if you say “just bar soap.”
Thanks to my dedication, all of the horrors I’ve planted are glossy and lush. Their roots are growing deeper every day.
I mean just like, with the armed robbery in general, how do you think it’s going? Is this comparable to other bank robberies you’ve been through?
But, if I could offer one tiny suggestion, while you sound amazing, the song choice doesn’t show off your full potential.
Slagar the Cruel is considered a front runner for the 2028 Republican primary.
Let me stop you. That’s not mold. That’s ambiance. That’s character. That’s the sort of authentic, rustic charm people pay top dollar for.
Ya'll must be nuttier than a squirrel's mouth to think you can set up establishments WITHOUT proper certification and licenses.
Fantasy: Emotionally, I am more stable than a 1000-year-old Sequoia. Reality: I faked a cat allergy when my wife caught me crying at Toy Story 3.