Blue Carbon Steel Wok

Think what you will about our status as neither single nor married, but one could say that not obligating you to attend a wedding was the greatest gift we could have given you. The greatest gift you can give us is a chance to get a uniform sear on our mixed vegetable stir fry.

Cotton Terry Bath Towels

Because we’ve never blown off friends, family, and world affairs for thirteen consecutive months to immerse ourselves in throwing a massive party in our own honor. Because no one has had to book an expensive room at a mid-level hotel to celebrate our love. And because, as such, no one unable to attend was then haplessly on the hook to send us things simply because we invited them—we’d enjoy some soft towels.

Stainless Steel Trash Can with Step-to-Open, Quiet-Shut Lid

We have no photos of ourselves looking thirty times more glamorous than we ever had before, or will again. Neither of us has required a single one of our friends to purchase or wear garments in colors outside of their seasonal palette to suit our “Winter Wonderland” theme. Not one of you has had to pelt us with birdseed to send us off, pockets stuffed with cash and checks, on a week-long Belizean sexfest. We’ll settle for a fancy waste receptacle.

7-Quart Tilt-Head Stand Mixer

We’ve been forced to choose between referring to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, and sounding like we’re forever playing kickball at recess—or partners, which leaves people wondering if we’re starting a law firm, acquiring real estate professionally, or throwing ourselves into competitive ballroom dancing. We’ve followed the dialogue of over three hundred movies over the din of each others’ snack-induced mouth noises. We’ve continued to field quarterly questions from grandparents about our plans to continue offending God via sinful cohabitation. We’ve listened to each other recount an in-depth analysis of the previous night’s sleep quality over four thousand and seventeen times (and counting), and yet receive no tax benefits. And since our relationship—unregulated and unrewarded by state law—has outlasted both of our parents’ “legitimate” unions, we believe we’ve proven ourselves ready to tackle sourdough.

Vintage Mid-Century Modern Crystal Spirit Decanter with Teardrop Stopper

Having stayed together despite zero legal or contractual obligations to do so, we’d like to imagine ourselves decanting a spirit, but never doing so, as often and stylishly as our married friends.

12-Piece Ceramic Glazed Dinnerware Set in Turquoise Panic

We’ve adopted and co-parented two now middle-aged domestic shorthair cats, one of whom required a full seven months of team-training to tolerate their asthma inhaler. We managed to compromise on names that we both like and that suit each pet’s unique personality. We cherish Olive and Clover enough to use our own plates to feed them but would enjoy some unchipped, matching (human-only) dishes from which to eat nachos while we rewatch Gossip Girl.

Quasi-Professional Espresso Maker

If either of us is hit by a car tomorrow, the other will not automatically be granted the right to make important medical decisions for them. And certainly not if a certain mother-not-in-law-equivalent has anything to say about it. A shining coffee-making mechanism doesn’t change that, but we like making coffee for each other and this would complement the “minimal” kitchen we’ve decorated in a manner that neither offends nor delights either of us.

Cash