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List: 17 Secrets of Clickbait
Number 10 is Just a Number Before Number 11 and One Number After 9 and I Just Relieved Myself In My Pants---See What Happens Next
Lists
List: The Temperaments of Other Musical Instruments, Vis-à-Vis the Clavier
The Foul-Tempered Oboe: Quicker to anger than the clavier, will just as soon stab you with a double-reed as look at you.
List: Beloved Children’s Books Vandalized by Curmudgeons
CLIFFORD THE BIG RED DOG Pooped on My Lawn Again After I Specifically Told those Kids to Keep Him off It
List: Unexpected Items on Bud Light’s New Ingredients Label
Water, harvested from the tears of children whose daddies didn't mean to yell, but dammit it's been a long week, and he's told you three times now.
Survey: How Do You Feel About Being Black?
"For a long time, I didn't care. But now it's been six years since my last promotion, and that has me thinking." —Zachary Easton, Coder
List: Honest Headlines for the Unread Articles in My Browser Tabs
"How Climate Change Is Going To Make Our Planet So Inhospitable You'll Wish You Could Mutate Into A Tree Person From 'Annihilation'" —Vox
List: The Alex Trebek Jeopardy! Icebreakers That Were Never Aired
Fatima, I've got your college transcripts here. Russian Lit major, Proverbial Folktales minor, now a freelance assistant. So, was Oberlin worth it?
List: Signs It’s Time to Cancel Your New Yorker Subscription
You scan the "Goings On About Town" and bemoan your meaningless existence in some secondary city 790 miles from any actual New Yorkers.
List: New and Improved Musical Instruments for 2019
When you're giving CPR and their mouth is stuck petrified in an O-shape, so when you blow it makes them whistle.
List: Maybe She’s Born With It. Maybe…
Maybe she's born with it. Maybe she reads the whole New Yorker article instead of giving up after the third paragraph like some people I could mention.