A Scene from “The Banshees of Inishirin” or a Scene from Any of the Four St. Patrick’s Days I Had at College?
Someone chokes on a finger and vomits.
Gary M. Almeter is an attorney who lives in a quaint and cozy neighborhood in Baltimore, MD with his wife, three children and dogs, Dave and Mixly. His short stories, essays and humor pieces have appeared in McSweeney’s, Writer’s Bone, Weekly Humorist, 1966, and Splitsider. He is the recipient of the Maryland Writer’s Association’s 2015 Creative Nonfiction Award. His novel, "Kissing the Roadkill Back to Life" was published June 2022.
Someone chokes on a finger and vomits.
All politicians want to have sex with Paul Rudd.
- The Bibliophile - Angela Lansbury - This Love (Taylor’s Version)
When it’s clear the patron isn’t saying “when” anytime soon and your mind starts to wander.
Phork: This is an eating utensil composed of a traditional fork and a Phil Collins action figure.
If you hear Wham!’s “Last Christmas” at Trader Joe’s, stop shopping immediately and guzzle a 32 oz. carton of eggnog. Post #Whamanogageddon!
Uncle Roger and cousin Lucy disagree about whether: A. JFK Jr. came back to life and is living in cousin Lucy’s shed. B. The war on Christmas starts the day after Thanksgiving.
11. Most of the Go-Go’s songs were originally about Belinda Carlisle’s appetizers.
Of this you are sure: a. All that glitters is gold b. All the apples in this bushel will make delicious cider for us to enjoy around the fireplace
A Ponzian Slip: This is when you misspeak because you are thinking more about swindling the person than the substance of the conversation.
Doctor Zhivago vs. Babe – This talking pig is out for revenge against the Russian physicist and poet who ate his brother.
When I hear this song, I remember how Krakenfuss kept her grocery store open on Christmas Eve. She was the richest person in town and the meanest.