“The Internet challenge known as Whamageddon operates by one simple rule: From Dec. 1 to 24, players must avoid all exposure to Wham!’s ‘Last Christmas’ or be eliminated from the game by posting #Whamageddon on their social media pages.”
—“Sorry, Wham! haters: The only thing wrong with ‘Last Christmas’ is how you’ve been listening to it”, The Washington Post
This year, to save us from tears, we’re making things a bit more special:
New Rule 1
The first person to hear Wham!’s “Last Christmas” in our Whamageddon game must buy a replica leather jacket George Michael wore in his “Faith” video, find the nearest nativity scene, put the replica Faith jacket on the Joseph statue, draw some stubble on Joseph, give him a guitar, and post #OComeAllYeFAITHful on social media.
New Rule 2
The second person to hear Wham!’s “Last Christmas,” must put on some glow in the dark lipstick and a Santa hat and go caroling while singing “Wake Me Up Before You Ho Ho Ho” at every house. Post #WakeMeUpBeforeYouHoHoHo on social media.
New Rule 3
The third person to hear Wham!’s “Last Christmas,” must don a black rain slicker, rain boots, carry a slaughtering hook, and walk around a Christmas tree lot, and post #IKnowWhatYouDidLastChristmas on social media
New Rule 4
A crowded room, friends with tired eyes, and more specific scenarios:
A. If you hear Wham!’s “Last Christmas” at Trader Joe’s, stop shopping immediately, go to the dairy section, guzzle a 32 oz. carton of eggnog. Post #Whamanogageddon on social media!
B. If you hear Wham!’s “Last Christmas” while you’re in your car, drag race the first car you see with a wreath tied to its grill. Post #Wreathageddon on social media.
1. Same as above but with deer antlers. Post #Antlergeddon on social media.
C. If you are a janitor at M.I.T. and really good at math and you hear Wham!’s “Last Christmas” while mopping the floor, post #GoodWhamHunting on social media.
D. If you are playing chess with an orphaned chess prodigy and hear “Last Christmas” post #QueensWhambit on social media.
E. If you hear Wham!’s “Last Christmas” during a severe weather event, be careful, stay calm, and post #Whamnado on social media.
F. If you hear Wham!’s “Last Christmas” while shopping at Macy’s fragrance counter, then you have to buy Calvin Klein’s classic fragrance #Whamsession!
G. If you hear Wham!’s “Last Christmas” while getting tangled up in tinsel and/or Christmas lights, please post #Whamaconda on social media.
H. If you hear Wham!’s “Last Christmas” while coaching an English soccer team post #TedWhammo on social media.
I. If you are in a Paul Thomas Anderson film and hear Wham!’s “Last Christmas” post #ThereWillBeWham on social media.
New Rule 5
A face on a lover with a fire in his heart, we are adding the following provisions to continue the fun — even after you’ve been Whamageddoned:
A. Same rules as Whamageddon but with Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You.” Once you hear it, post #Mariahbetes on social media.
B. Same rules as Whamageddon, but with the Pogues’ and Kirsty MacColl’s “Fairytale of New York.” Post #Poguearrhea on social media.
Bonus points if you end up in the drunk tank and:
1. If the boys of NYPD choir are singing Wham!’s “Last Christmas” then post #Whambezzlement on social media.
2. If your drunk tank cellmate sings Wham!’s “Last Christmas” then post #Whamcarcerated on social media.
3. If you escape from the drunk tank by digging a tunnel behind your poster of George Michael then post, #WhamshankRedemption on social media.
C. Same rules as Whamageddon but with the original “You’re a Mean One Mr. Grinch.” As soon as you hear it, you have to steal your neighbors’ Christmas accoutrements including lights, gifts, food, decorations. Post #Grinchbezzlement on social media.
D. Same rules as Whamageddon, but with the Chipmunks “Christmas Don’t Be Late.” Once you hear it, post #Chipmunkicide on social media.
E. Same rules as Whamageddon, but as soon as you hear “Same Old Lang Syne” post #Fogelbergeddon on social media.
F. Same rules as Whamageddon, but as soon as you hear “The Christmas Shoes,” find a terminally ill person then take a child to a shoe store and make it buy the terminally ill person a pair of Christmas shoes, not super fancy shoes but suitable for dancing with Jesus that evening. Post pics of all three of you with #LiterallyThisPersonsLastChristmas.
New Rule 6
If you make it to midnight on December 24th without hearing Wham!’s “Last Christmas” congratulations, you won! (But did you though?)