“The meeting of horrors and powers and transformations made for a thrilling collision. The franchise crossover makes a high-profile return with Adam Wingard’s ‘Godzilla vs. Kong,’ the long-awaited megamovie with the mutant brutes from ‘Godzilla: King of the Monsters’ and ‘Kong: Skull Island.’”
—The New York Times, 3/31/21
Annie Hall vs. Hannah and Her Sisters – Infidelity with your sister’s spouse? Forgivable. Insulting Annie Hall’s ties and vests? It is on! Armed only with a pot of lobsters and dog-eared, well-tabbed, highly annotated copies of the DSM-V, these Woody Allen vixens meet in an Upper West Side pre-war walk-up for a neuroses-off for the ages.
Gandhi vs. E.T. – Gandhi is really f***ing hungry—so hungry he's forgotten what he's protesting when E.T. starts taunting him with a big bag of Reese’s Pieces. Which one of these little wrinkled old wrinkly-men, vying for world domination, will emerge victorious?
Erin Brockovich vs. Thelma & Louise – In a world where white male mediocrity runs rampant (a totally fictitious world, really; entirely the product of the director’s imagination) and world domination is determined by whose halter top accentuates whose cleavage the best, these feisty women drive through the desert to determine once and for all whose chestnut tresses can withstand the most wind-tousling.
Miss Daisy vs. Malcolm X – Daisy thinks she’s sufficiently woke simply because she no longer makes Hoke “make water” outside that field. Wrong answer, Daisy. Malcolm X gets wind of this and turns her nursing home into a house of retribution.
Benjamin Button vs. My Cousin Vinny – We put a sketchy leather-clad Brooklyn lawyer and a man with a mysterious reverse-aging disease in a cage and invited them to engage in a fight to the death! Just because we can!
Judy vs. Cujo – When trying to “Get Happy” Judy Garland steals all the benzodiazepines from the veterinary clinic, she does more than piss off Liza Minnelli’s overworked nanny, she pisses off Cujo, a rabid dog who really wants his benzos. Birds may fly over the rainbow, but rabid dogs can also do all kinds of shit. Be careful, Judy….
Ferris Bueller vs. Rosemary’s Baby – Ferris Bueller may have outsmarted Principal Rooney and the maître d at Chez Quis, but how does he fare pitted against the spawn of Satan?
Private Ryan vs. Good Will Hunting vs. Talented Mr. Ripley – Matt Damon fights himself—THRICE! You’ve been wondering who would win in a three-way death match between a naïve soldier, a sociopath on holiday, and a math genius—we know you have. Stop wondering.
Forrest Gump vs. Magic Mike – Dance, Forrest, dance! Life might be like a box of chocolates… but when Forrest Gump tries to take a bite out of the all-male dance revue hosted at Xquisite, Tampa’s hottest strip club, the magic Mike, who makes Richard Nixon seem lovable, vows to stop him!
The Godfather vs. Indiana Jones – The future of the planet depends on who finds the ancient cannoli first!
Jaws vs. Garfield – In a world where cats like lasagna, why even question it?
Doctor Zhivago vs. Babe – This talking pig is out for revenge against the Russian physicist and poet who ate his brother.
Kramer vs. Kramer vs. Lincoln – Uniting a warring republic was easy; reuniting this schlubby unkempt advertising executive with this sophisticated sportswear designer will be the real challenge!
Evita vs. The Iron Lady – Evita is still enraged that Great Britain retook the Falkland Islands. So when Margaret Thatcher insults her singing, these two lady politicians do what any emotional stateswomen would do to resolve a conflict: have a sleepover, braid each other’s hair, and start a sultry pillow fight while jumping up and down on the bed.
Amadeus vs. Edward Scissorhands – Amadeus gets so mad at Edward Scissorhands for ruining his piano trying to play Requiem in D Minor that he enlists all the housewives in the Vienna suburbs to go after him! Will Edward survive? Featuring Winona Ryder.