List: The Only 64 Crayola Crayon Colors Allowed in Mother Pence’s Immanuel Christian School Art Class
Second Lady Karen Pence has provided access to beautiful color shades such as Partial Birth Abortion Red-Orange and I Can Tolerate Misogyny Maroon.
Comedy Writing
Quiz: Are You Rupert Holmes’s Lady?
2. At your nephew’s bar mitzvah, Rupert “reluctantly” agrees to sing “Escape (the Piña Colada Song)” for the guests. What describes what happens next:
Notes From Pantone Considering Which Shade of Taupe to Name 2019 Color of the Year
Bereft Muskrat: “Too hopeful.” “Muskrats evoke something too adorable to be considered appropriate for 2019, even if they are bereft.”
I Am Serena’s Tutu
Like Andre Agassi’s mullet, I shall never be replicated. Like Stan Smith’s Stan Smiths, I am immortal.
Michael Chabon Makes a Root Beer Float
With the precision of a casino dealer cutting a deck of cards, I scooped two large scoops of vanilla ice cream and put them into the frosty mug.
The Ballad of the Inept Geneticist
I am the Inept Geneticist So send to me your best spitting And for you I’ll manufacture A heritage more befitting
What the Outfit You Wear to the Pride Parade Says About You
Flamingo costume: Your sunglasses were stolen when you left them on the dash. Also, the parade is for celebrating, but you won't take any steps back.
Things We Learn About Han Solo in “Solo: A Star Wars Story”
Once, he drove the Millennium Falcon to McDonald’s, Google Maps said “Bon appetit!” and Han thought it was making fun of him so now he only uses Waze.
Other New Policies Recently Approved By NFL Owners
Players who take, like, 20 napkins and then use, like, just two napkins and throw away the other 18 will be ejected from the game.
How to Sell Your Smoky Beanie Baby Collection, According to My Aunt Connie, A Non-Smoker
Go back to Wawa to demand they stop selling cigarettes to your Beanie Babies after you catch Splash the Killer Whale with a carton of Pall Malls.
Euphemism Used to Describe a White Male Bomber or Shirelles Song?
Are you better than the media? Assess these 21 phrases and find out whether you can distinguish bomber talk from 1960's R&B songs by The Shirelles.