Routine system maintenance this weekend

Executive you’ve never met getting promoted

Friendly reminder that client bathroom is for clients only

New satellite office opening in Austin that junior employees will never get to visit

Congealed leftover pizza in kitchen

Holiday party announcement (less swanky venue than last year)

Executive you’ve never met leaving company

Executive leaving company under mysterious circumstances

Executive leaving company under circumstances that become increasingly and passive-aggressively clear the more you read

Routine system maintenance this weekend

Updates on benefits package

Updates on benefits package being slashed

Free furniture on third floor that no one will physically be able to take home

Trip to bar after work that isn’t, like, mandatory, but everyone knows the boss has to like drinking with you to get ahead at this company

Trip to axe-throwing bar after work that isn’t, like, mandatory, but everyone knows the boss has to like burying a hatchet deep inside your skull to get ahead at this company

Intern thinking they’re sending a document to the color printer

Less friendly reminder that client bathroom is for clients only

Executive you’ve never met having baby

Executive’s wife having baby

Executive’s mistress having baby

Executive’s wife and mistress having babies on same day (two emails)

Executive, executive’s wife, and executive’s mistress all having babies on same day (three emails)

Routine system maintenance this weekend

Plea for someone else to organize office kickball this year

Boss’s birthday party starting in kitchen

No one showed up to boss’s birthday party and now he’s sad and taking the rest of the week off

Employee lost laptop charger

Employee found laptop charger

Employee accidentally took someone else’s laptop charger

Client bathroom out of service

Changes to office pet policy to ban Lisa’s yippy little rat dog

Routine system maintenance this weekend

Reasons why unionizing is not in employees’ best interest

Labelmaker is missing


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