Emails

Tag: Emails

I think the last person to see it was our tour guide, Henrik. Please respond with his phone number. Or Instagram works too.

Our van broke down, and we’re asking generous, conventionally attractive fans to help get us back on the road.

Now, I’m not bashing Chad. Chad’s fine. Chad does consistently adequate work, and he’s even finally learned what a pivot table is.

Also, I was just joking when I said in my initial email that I would fold the report into a paper airplane and dart it at your bulbous ass.

Our graphics seem a little dated, but deep down we’re the same mailing list you subscribed to all those years ago.

I’m really excited to get to know you better! Where do you live? What are your hobbies? What are you eating right now?

I’m not sure if you are aware that my hands were a little wet when the pickle jar was passed to me.

I’m not very good with computers, could you clarify what you mean by “you somehow attached your son to your previous email rather than your story”?

Please refrain from kicking the waxwork likeness of Canada’s first Prime Minister, Sir John A. Macdonald, between his legs.

Henry has been doing our newsletter since 1986. He’s a little set in his ways, but we love him.

Day 2,121: In my book, only cowards change their email when a better and more convenient option becomes available.

Dear Future Pulitzer Winner: Out of our hundreds of submissions, not a single one has the cachet to pull our magazine out of the pit of tedium.