When You Say “Bite Me” to a Solicitation
Your comment was “Bite me.” Since you did not check any of the five action boxes we provided, we are not sure what action to take.
Tag: Emails
What I Imagine Happens at My Senator’s Office upon Receiving an Email from Me
This constituent definitely knows what she's talking about and in no way just copy-pasted talking points from an out-of-date email forward!
Dear Valued Customer: You Can’t Run from These Deals Forever
Okay, now we're starting to get mad. What kind of civilized person puts items in their shopping cart and just leaves them there?
Increasingly Desperate Marketing Emails from a Start-Up Guy
As you already know from my #startupgrind Instagram posts, I’ve been hard at work on an exciting new business venture!
Can Anyone Give Me (and 17 Beavers) a Ride?
Btw can’t pay you, but will provide you with a new car air freshener. The beavers have a bit of an odor. Not bad, but definitely noticeable.
Sorta but Not Really Scary Emails That Jason Vorhees Sent Me in Lieu of a Good Old Fashioned Machete Slice
You think I didn’t see your ass (which was nude) swimming in Camp Crystal Lake? You know I drowned in there? That’s just disrespectful.
I Am Out of the Office, But Please Contact Me Anytime (Really, Anytime)
For urgent matters, please reach out to Gary Dilworth, who will bombard me with angry texts in all caps until I respond.
This Is PayPal, Informing You That Your Account May Be Compromised
Have you been getting some emails that seem Phishy? This is PayPal, btw. The real PayPal. How can you know? You’ll get a gut feeling inside.
My Latest Job Rejection Email, Translated
We hope this message finds you and your loved ones healthy and safe. (We hope you have other things going for you, like parents with substantial savings.)
Mistakes Were Made: One Intern’s Heartfelt Apology, Written Entirely in the Passive Voice
The clients’ voicemails were mistakenly deleted, as the functions of the different button thingies had been forgotten.
Feedback on My Existence
Have you considered making me taller and more visually striking? Might be good for brand recognition.
Re: Help Me Obi Wan,…
Due to many frightful circumstances relating to galactic space evil, I must speak over discretely email.