Hi there! We’ve noticed you left some unpurchased items in your cart, so we're sending along this email because we don't want you to miss out. Please enjoy this EXCLUSIVE offer of 10% off any item in stock! Act now before this deal runs out!

Hi again! Just circling back, since we haven't heard from you. To be clear, that 10% discount also applies to the items that are still in your cart. Just in case you didn't get that. Hurry—deal ends soon!

Happy Friday! We’re going to spell this out for you nice and simple: all you have to do is click the button at the bottom of the screen that says “CHECKOUT.” You already did the shopping. That’s the hard part. Just click CHECKOUT, okay? We can’t make it any easier. I mean, Jesus Christ. Treat yourself to SAVINGS today!

Don’t miss out! Okay, now we're starting to get mad. What kind of civilized person puts items in their shopping cart and just leaves them there? We know you’ve been getting our emails. At this point, it’s like you’re actively ignoring us. Your mother would be ashamed. Shop now and get FREE SHIPPING!

Deals just for you! Look, we don’t want to have to resort to anything drastic. You can complete your order at 10% off and we can forget this transgression ever happened, OR you can continue this game and suffer the consequences. Choose wisely. Savings are just a click away!

Spring is in the air! We see that you’ve chosen to ignore our warning and forego our special discount, so we’re sending one of our goons to follow you home. Don’t worry, you won’t even have to open the app because Ivan will meet you at your car as soon as your shift ends. That’s right, Ivan knows where you work. He accepts credit, Paypal, Venmo, or any jewelry you have on hand. This can be as easy or as difficult as you want it to be. TODAY ONLY, save on top name brand products!

It’s a beautiful day to save! Okay, so you defeated Ivan with your impressive jiu-jitsu skills, but how will you stand against our robot army? Yes, we have robots. Do you think we are messing around? We are a multi-billion-dollar retailer, and we hold all the cards here. Our deals CAN’T be beaten!

Shop now & earn points! Oh, and by the way: not only are our robots programmed to kill, but they are bulletproof and have flamethrowers for arms. So good luck with that. Resistance is futile. Tell your friends about our exclusive deals!

Special offer inside! Well, well, well. You’ve proven yourself to be quite a fighter. You defied our exclusive deals, you killed our best assassin, and you decimated our fire-shooting robots. This warrants a special email from me, the CEO. I must admit I am impressed. That is why I am challenging you to a duel. Yes, one-on-one personal combat with me. We will fight Spartacus-style in the pit below our main warehouse. Prepare to die… and to SAVE!

We’ve got deals for days! It appears I have underestimated your hand-to-hand combat skills. You somehow spotted my dagger with the poisoned blade hidden beneath my robe and struck me down with my own treacherous weapon. Touché. You then fought off all my guards one by one and made a daring escape with the help of my warehouse minions. You seem to have become a sort of hero to them. Unfortunately for you, I have the antidote and will be recovering shortly. You’ve won this time, but just remember the day will come when you can’t run anymore—when you’re exhausted, alone, and you need to do some online shopping. On that day I will find you. And you WILL take advantage of our unbeatable deals on seasonal items. See you in checkout, bitch. Take our customer survey and rate your transaction!


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