Ryan Ciecwisz | Points in Case

Ryan Ciecwisz is a stand-up comedian/writer. He maintains a 5.0 passenger rating on Lyft and he's really trying not to screw that up.

Author: Ryan Ciecwisz

If you want a salesman who spends all day practicing spitting into a spittoon so it makes a "ping" noise, I’m your guy.

I caught him watching old episodes of Scooby-Doo and scribbling in a notebook. He was mumbling things like, “Oooh, that’s a good one to plagiarize.”

When the captain misspoke and said “tur-buh-lence,” instead of “turbulence,” I was like a shark smelling blood in the water.

At our first show without the droning hum of our generator, it was scary to launch into our opener, a cover of “The Big Rock Candy Mountain.”

As I’ve come down with a bad case of wet-ass this summer (medical condition), Marcus could easily catch me and force me to share the bicycle.

I celebrate their beauty and empower their right to feel sexy. But no matter how nice I am to sharks, they still refuse to let me be their boyfriend.

When I got a text from my wife that you looked at her beautiful food grinders and said, “Are these rocks in your mouth? Who put these in?” I got mad.

There’s no way I could have been dumped. I was in the prime of my life—I had a t-shirt for every major beer brand and I drove a Pontiac Grand Am.

Who better to replace dad than a late night comedy host, who is charismatic, funny, and probably screams at their unpaid interns?

The Tar Pits Behind Third Base Have Been Filled In: The nostalgic need not worry; the sickening smell of sulfur still permeates the entire stadium.