I Lived Amongst the Grinch’s 30 Wives for a Week: Here’s What I Learned
The first thing I noticed was my temporary roommates smiled and clapped each time they saw the Grinch’s glorious glutes.
Ryan Ciecwisz is a stand-up comedian/writer. He maintains a 5.0 passenger rating on Lyft and he's really trying not to screw that up.
The first thing I noticed was my temporary roommates smiled and clapped each time they saw the Grinch’s glorious glutes.
Welles Insisted On Playing Both the Canary and the Human: Weight fluctuations nearly killed Welles and made the insurance for the project skyrocket.
The farmer at the pumpkin patch is threatening to stop selling me any more pumpkins because he thinks what I’m doing is “fucked up.”
Unfortunately, even if I found the perfect pair of running shoes and I was the fastest man in the world, I wouldn’t be able to outrun the truth.
I heard that in Heaven, you can ride on the backs of angels and use their halos as steering wheels. That’s something I would like to check out.
Paul’s Empty Advil Container That He Repurposed to Hide His State Quarters: Cast the pill bottle aside and fill your pockets with the beautiful coins.
1) I Make a Rube Goldberg-type Machine That Gives Sonny a Spank Right on the Keister Every Time He Lifts the Spoon to His Mouth
Instead of wearing baseball caps, Coach Dylan has all the kids wearing these weird old hats he found at a garage sale.
The 2 things I love most are corduroys with ridges so deep that you can slide a can of Coors Light in there, and making sure my son thinks I’m cool.
I low-balled a museum in Plymouth into selling me wax statues of sick Pilgrims from their “passengers who didn’t survive the Mayflower” exhibit.
The process of picking one menu item reminded your wife of how she did not have to pick just one Pep Boy, since they are all polyamorous.
Season 1, Episode 45 - Raiders of the Lost Harp: When Uncle Scrooge Bemoans That All His Riches Cannot Afford Him a Seat in God’s Kingdom
ALWAYS recycle dead batteries. NEVER put them in the garbage. My brother WILL go through your trash and he WILL throw them at me if he finds them!!
I am interested in making my ass completely smooth, with no contours or separation, like sea glass or Costco’s floors.