Sesame Street’s First Cinephile Muppet Is an Attack on Our Nation’s Core Values
After learning that Big Bird’s top four films on Letterboxd were American, Jeremy forced Big Bird to undergo something called “Bergman Boot Camp.”
Comedy Writing
This Moving Half-Time Speech Failed to Inspire a High School Football Team Just Because They Saw Their Coach Kick a Dog Through the Goalpost Before the Game
First off, I didn’t know anybody was watching. And never in a million years would I have guessed that the penalty would be the loss of one hundred points for our team.
After Yet Another Workplace Accident, NASA Is Banning the Following Basketball Moves
Projections show that if the current situation is allowed to continue without intervention, the vibes at NASA could reach weird levels.
It’s Time to Punish Freddy Krueger by Taking Away His Hat
It’s ironic that Freddy Krueger’s initials are FK because the guy should be Fucking Kancelled.
90 Years Later, Universal’s “Frankenstein” Remains a Poignant Tale of How Fucked Up It Would Be If There Was a Guy Whose Head Was Perfectly Flat on Top
Even today, when I see his head, my mind goes wild with possibilities, envisioning all the dirty dishes that I could set down upon it.
If the Pandemic Gave Workers More Leverage, Why Did My Boss Scream at Me for Printing Out Hundreds of Pictures of Mewtwo?
Much like the novel Coronavirus, there is something deeply disturbing about Mewtwo.
If the Phillie Phanatic Is Allowed to Get a Vasectomy, Whose Offspring’s Pelts Will I Use to Make a Luxurious Fur Coat?
The Phillie Phanatic can phuck off.
Sorta but Not Really Scary Emails That Jason Vorhees Sent Me in Lieu of a Good Old Fashioned Machete Slice
You think I didn’t see your ass (which was nude) swimming in Camp Crystal Lake? You know I drowned in there? That’s just disrespectful.
McDonald’s Menu Items Ranked by How Effective They Were at Giving Me the Nutrients I Needed to Break into Ronald McDonald’s Mansion and Try On His Clothes
A 30-Inch Footprint That I Touched and Then Tasted So I Could Begin Tracking Ronald: Without it, I wouldn’t have been able to murmur, “He’s near…”
Visions I Had After Succumbing to the Madness That Befalls All Men Who Dare Drink the Milk of the Eldest Keebler Elf
If you are offered a chance to suckle at the teat of the eldest Keebler elf, I pray you heed my warning.
4 Times My Plans for a Delicious Roast Were Ruined Because Mario’s Oiled and Nude Body Slipped From My Grasp
I would love nothing more than to coat him in a honey glaze and roast him over a fire until his internal temperature is 145 degrees.
Customer Complaint: My Big Mouth Billy Bass Keeps Mumbling “Dumb Motherfucker” When I Walk By It
Yes, I tried replacing the batteries. A fresh set seemed to do nothing except make his tone even angrier.