Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
I don’t expect to meet anyone by joining your Club, but I wouldn’t be upset if someone asked about me. Has anyone asked about me yet?
Our competitors have all sucked up extremely hard to get here, but only one unctuous little twerp will advance to the county-level semifinal.
HHD 101: Introduction to Loud Sighing While Doing Dishes, TXT 250: Ellipses and Emotional Subtext, and SOC 480: "I'm Not Mad" While Obviously Mad.
Just because you don't need me to print those big Excel spreadsheets anymore doesn’t mean I don’t want my buttons fingered regularly.
I’m still in here. Waving my arms at the bathroom motion sensors to keep the lights on.
But the more upsetting headlines I skim, the more likely it seems the dream of enjoying a career-best performance by Hugh Laurie is out of reach.
The Great Pumpkin: Well, it was the ‘60s. We were all experimenting. I started messing around with cloves.
A New Ache: Jonah awoke one morning to find his feet had been possessed.
I fear both your and your golden retriever’s rejection. The gift receipt to the anthropomorphic hot dog chew toy is my only source of comfort.
At one point, she pulled out a magical wand and goes, “Is this mine or yours?” I’m not even kidding.
Sure, the door might have been slightly ajar, but I had to walk through it. And I drank all the milkshakes and yelled, “How do you like me now!”
Noise: B+ Before the screaming, you were doing great.