This is a little awkward. Rite Aid has closed all of it’s locations nationwide, and I’m still in one of their bathrooms.

If anyone’s reading this, I’m in the facilities in the Rite Aid on Victory Boulevard in North Hollywood. I popped in for a flu shot and some Peanut Butter M&M’s, as a treat, when I felt my morning coffee begin to take effect. The code was 48671894396744.

“That’s a little long,” I thought. Apparently, the lavatory key used to be on a large stick, but people kept taking the stick. They opted for a long code as an anti-theft measure, the same reasoning for keeping the deodorants under locked cases.

Either way, I’m still in here. Waving my arms at the bathroom motion sensors to keep the lights on. I think they killed the lights and electricity in the entire store?

I’ll be honest, this has taken me by surprise. I have to assume the pharmacist was blindsided as well. She swabbed my arm and gave me my flu shot only a few minutes ago. We made small talk about the Dodgers. We’re both a little concerned about the bullpen.

More pressing matters at hand, I’m not sure what to do now. In a perfect world this wouldn’t be happening to me. My pants are around my ankles in a pitch black bathroom. I couldn’t be more vulnerable, the only protections I’m offered are from this year’s influenza virus.

It sounds like they’re already in the process of flipping this location into a Sephora.

“Face creams and serums on this side, Sam!” I hear above the roar of a table-saw. “Hey! These Peanut Butter M&M’s up for grabs?!”

If anyone out there can help me, again, I’m at what was once the Rite Aid on Victory which is now/soon to be a Sephora, and the foreman on the project is eating my post-flu shot treat. I personally don’t think this is a good location for a Sephora. There is not a ton of foot traffic, and if the local North Hollywood economy couldn’t support a Rite Aid that housed both a pharmacy AND a Baskin-Robbins, I highly doubt a Sephora will flourish.

Also, if you could bring some toilet paper, or even a pack of Dude Wipes, that would be huge. I would normally suggest that you grab those items from aisle 6. That’s where they kept them when this was still a Rite Aid, but from what I can hear, it sounds like that is where they plan to house Sephora’s collection of concealers.