Humor writing published daily. Featured: Best of Year | Editors’ Picks | People’s Favorites | Satire | Guides | Observations | Stories
Maybe you could just be an accountant who wears a tiara and pets a teacup poodle whilst shoveling through student loan debt for the rest of her life.
If you are caught engaging in coitus during a club meeting, the excuse “but I was just pinging her pong” is far from adequate.
He’s always asked me to watch his new “moves” even before karate classes, but now I can’t help but feel like this display is meant to assert dominance.
Eastsiders recommend the taco place with a questionable sanitation rating but amazing salsas. Westsiders recommend, “I guess, Sugarfish again?”
No one leaves this barbecue place walking straight on account of the barbecue fucks so hard. Yeah, that's good.
But if we were to bring about authentic disruption and long-lasting change, we needed to diversify our core team.
This person is definitely not your boyfriend or girlfriend or someone you even like very much. How do you define these short-term relationships?
So first you met a crustacean down at the beach and the two of you “really hit it off.” Let’s unpack that a bit.
I swear this dog knows every command except "speak?" I'm always carrying the conversation!
You think I didn’t see your ass (which was nude) swimming in Camp Crystal Lake? You know I drowned in there? That’s just disrespectful.
You’ll know that our vegetables are straight from the earth because they will be covered in dirt, sand, and little white stickers with barcodes.
When it’s my turn to choose the book and I pick a trashy romance novel, no members can audibly sigh or give off any sense of smug superiority.