Keanu Reeves has been hailed as a hero for not groping women with whom he’s photographed, so I’d like to take a moment to celebrate some other amazing men also worthy of praise. Because, after all, it’s not a moment too soon to thank a fella for not behaving like a filthy pig.


Thanks to my boss for not responding with “That’s what she said!” when I told him his file was so large he’d need to use Dropbox.

Much obliged to my Uber driver for not detouring into the woods to chop me up limb by limb.

A simple, “Way to go, man!” to that post-college ex who stopped stalking me after I made just two calls to the police.

Mad gratitude to the older gentleman who sat down across from me on the train this morning and didn’t implore me to smile.

Thanks to that one mechanic who didn’t try to gouge me on an oil change just because I have a vagina.

Shout out to my husband for not fooling around with that single (and very flexible, based on her Instagram stories) coworker at his company picnic. #relationshipgoals

Kudos to the primary care physician who refrained from mansplaining perimenopause while I was in the middle of a hot flash.

How about a round of applause for the Starbucks barista who didn’t ask what else I like strong and hot on a summer afternoon.

Forever indebted to the Outback waiter who didn’t say, “Woah! I’ve never seen anyone eat a whole Bloomin’ Onion and a Chocolate Thunder from Down Under by themselves before!” during my last visit.

You rock, construction worker, for graciously looking away when the wind from that subway grate lifted my skirt, revealing my enormous Hanes Her Way panties.

Much appreciation to my neighbor for not slowing down to snicker at my plumber’s crack, inadvertently on display while gardening this weekend.

Word up, Mall Santa! I see you not putting your gloved hands in all the wrong places, and I value you.

Five-star Yelp review coming your way, electrician who didn’t suggest I call my husband to get his approval before moving ahead with my outdoor lighting project.

Special thanks to my son for not pointing out that I’m by far the oldest person in this Chuck E. Cheese.

Join upcoming November classes in Satire Writing, Sketch Writing, and Stand-Up Joke Writing.