Douchebags

Tag: Douchebags

LISTEN BRO. JUST REMEMBER THAT YOU CAN ALWAYS COME TO ME WHEN YOU’RE FEELING THIS WAY BRO.

Time to get these shoes and socks off, settle in, and make myself at home. The air helps my feet breathe.

Grab a vegan smoothie, plunge your feet into a bucket of ice, and allow yourself, like an eager guppy, to be reeled in by Tim Ferriss.

I’m going to take a beer. Man. Beeeeautiful. Nothing like a nice day– Flip that. That’s done. It’s burnt.

You might think I’m completely oblivious to the concept of shared social norms and values, and the fact is—you’re right.

Discover a side hustle such as giving speeches about your main hustle. / Learn to do basic household tasks like having sex with your own spouse.

You have a personality. Other girls don’t. They have no personality. They aren’t funny and they have no hobbies or interests to speak of.

The Influencer in a Louis Vuitton Surgical Grade Mask - sheepishly wave at the subject and post it on Twitter when you get home.

Flaky GPS will accidentally lead him to shithole town’s all too familiar old bar, where he'll bump into the one that got away.

No-Homojito - Muddle the fuck out of some sugar, a mint sprig, and a gay lime. Add light rum as a top and dark rum as a bottom.

Simon says stand on one foot, while also juggling four frying pans and reciting today’s history lesson on the Battle of Bunker Hill from memory.

Simon says tell your neighbor you never touched her butt, and she must be imagining things. This is "gaslighting" and will come in handy someday.