List: Offensive Tweets From Jerk Birds
ka-ha-ka-ha kuk-kuk-KUK | Translation: I’ve got nothing against European starlings. They should just go back where they belong.
Tag: Douchebags
List: 6 Musical Subgenres You May Have Missed
Some genres start off as an experiment. Others, like Freshcore, start off as a fake song recorded for a deodorant commercial.
List: The Smiths Song Titles Updated to Reflect Morrissey’s Support of Right-Wing Extremist Groups
"Pretty Girls Make Graves (For Immigrants We Don’t Want and I Smile at Those Girls and Give Them a Thumbs-Up Because I'm a Hateful Racist Arse)"
List: Modern Equivalents to “Reading Playboy for the Articles”
Scrolling through Twitter for the news. Driving a Tesla for the environment. Living with six roommates for the camaraderie.
List: Clickbait Articles From Mundane People
Heartbreaking: This Makeup Tutorial Doesn’t Take Into Consideration the Fact That I Don't Leave the House
List: 10 Male Variants of “Resting Bitch Face”
Resting Pitch Face – Appears on the verge of talking to you about his screenplay, TV pilot, or tech startup (avoid elevators).
Baking for Sadists
You're enjoying this, aren't you? You’re the kind of person who kneads dough for an unnecessarily long time to be sure the yeasts can't escape.
Dear RIAA, Please Require a “Step-Parental Advisory” Sticker on All Late 90’s Nu Metal Albums
I am fairly certain my stepson is going to murder me. These albums have turned what's left of His heart as frosted as the tips of His hair.
Fun Things to Do in the Big City If You’re a Douchebag
Steal a seat from a pregnant woman who was about to sit down, then pull out a copy of "Angels & Demons" and bury your head in it.
An Open Letter to the Adult Man in Target Who Decided He Didn’t Want Keebler’s Coconut Dreams
As I picked up the box of cookies, I imagined a world where everyone thought it was okay to leave items they didn’t want anymore wherever they please.