Douchebags | Points in Case

Tag: Douchebags

Flaky GPS will accidentally lead him to shithole town’s all too familiar old bar, where he'll bump into the one that got away.

No-Homojito - Muddle the fuck out of some sugar, a mint sprig, and a gay lime. Add light rum as a top and dark rum as a bottom.

Simon says stand on one foot, while also juggling four frying pans and reciting today’s history lesson on the Battle of Bunker Hill from memory.

Simon says tell your neighbor you never touched her butt, and she must be imagining things. This is "gaslighting" and will come in handy someday.

The main responsibility of any dad in a restaurant is to spout off a consistent stream of comedy gold. So many antics!

5:35PM: Turn down a one-way street going in the opposite direction. I read somewhere that street signs don't apply when you only have two wheels.

Hannibal Buress: You learned what feminism is from "Broad City," and you’re not 100% on board with it yet.

How about a round of applause for the Starbucks barista who didn’t ask what else I like strong and hot on a summer afternoon.

I celebrate their beauty and empower their right to feel sexy. But no matter how nice I am to sharks, they still refuse to let me be their boyfriend.

#amactuallywritinggoodshit – This is a great hashtag to show other writers you’re not just writing, you’re writing better stuff than they are!

Stadium security: It’s dangerous, wearing something that makes you look that good. Did you get all dolled up just for me, honey?

ka-ha-ka-ha kuk-kuk-KUK | Translation: I’ve got nothing against European starlings. They should just go back where they belong.