Minimize your phone data bill by disabling direct deposit notifications.

Discover a side hustle such as giving speeches about your main hustle.

Only buy the extended warranty if you're launching your car into space.

Replace your incandescent bulbs with energy efficient employees holding flashlights.

Improve your gold Ferrari's fuel efficiency by drafting behind your platinum Tesla.

Learn to do basic household tasks like having sex with your own spouse.

Eliminate your life insurance premiums by donating billions to immortality research.

Itemize charitable donations to African countries, then claim the continent as a dependent.

Take advantage of your company's 401k match policy by firing employees who contribute.

Wait to have kids until it's profitable to manufacture the persona of a CEO with feelings.

Lobby governments to afford you every possible societal advantage. Wield this power to minimize workers' rights while perpetuating record wealth inequality. Ridicule those requiring public assistance. Subjugate the foolish. Watch the world burn from the penthouse view of your Dragon's hoard.

Cut cable!


MORE LIKE THIS