HEY BRO. SORRY I HAVE TO YELL OVER THIS MUSIC BUT I NOTICED YOU LOOK REALLY DOWN TONIGHT BRO. AND NOT LIKE “DOWN TO HAVE A GOOD TIME AT THIS CLUB” OR “DOWN TO PARTY THE NIGHT AWAY WITH BEAUTIFUL WOMEN” BUT “DOWN” LIKE YOU’RE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS BRO. YOU’VE BARELY TOUCHED YOUR CHAMPAGNE AND ON THE LIMO RIDE OVER YOU KEPT STARING OUT THE WINDOW BRO.

IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT BRO?

WELL IF YOU EVER NEED SOMEONE TO YELL OVER THE MUSIC TO I’LL BE HERE FOR YOU TRYING TO HEAR IT BRO. AND NOT JUST HEAR IT BUT ACTUALLY LISTEN BRO. OR MAYBE WE CAN GO SOMEWHERE QUIETER LIKE CLUB 3 BRO. I KNOW DJ NIPPLES AND THE PROMOTER THERE HE CAN HOOK US UP AND GET US A BACK ROOM WHERE WE CAN YELL SLIGHTLY LESS OVER THE MUSIC JUST BRO TO BRO, BRO.

LISTEN BRO. JUST REMEMBER THAT YOU CAN ALWAYS COME TO ME WHEN YOU’RE FEELING THIS WAY BRO. IF WE CAN’T STICK TOGETHER AS BROS IN HARD TIMES, THEN WE CAN’T ENJOY DOING SHOTS OUT OF STRIPPER’S MOUTHS IN GOOD TIMES BRO.

HOW IS EVERYTHING GOING ON AT HOME BRO? ARE YOU MAKING SURE TO KEEP UP WITH HOUSEHOLD CHORES BRO? WHEN TASKS BEGIN TO PILE UP IT CAN MAKE YOU FEEL WORSE BRO. AND IF YOU’RE HAVING TROUBLE SLEEPING, TRY CUTTING DOWN ON SCREEN TIME BEFORE GOING TO BED BRO. SOMETIMES SLEEP ISN’T THE PROBLEM THOUGH BRO. SOMETIMES YOU JUST WAKE UP ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE BED FULL OF GIRLS BRO.

THE FEELING CAN CREEP UP ON YOU BRO. LIKE I ONCE SAW A STRAY DOG WALKING AROUND MY NEIGHBORHOOD BRO AND I COULD SEE ITS RIBS BRO. NOT TOO FAR AWAY FROM IT THERE WAS AN INJURED SQUIRREL SO I WHISTLED TO GET THE DOG’S ATTENTION BRO AND IT RAN OVER AND FINISHED OFF THE SQUIRREL BRO. AS I WAS WALKING HOME BRO I COULD HEAR A SQUIRREL NEST FULL OF BABIES SCREAMING FOR THEIR MOTHER BRO.

I’VE NEVER TOLD ANYONE THAT STORY IN MY ENTIRE LIFE BRO.

DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES CAN BE HELPFUL TOO BRO. MAYBE WE CAN GET THE BROS TOGETHER AND TRADE ADVICE AND ANECDOTES TO BETTER UNDERSTAND OUR JOURNEY IN THIS EVER-CHANGING WORLD BRO.

WE CAN EVEN CREATE WRITING PROMPTS TO RESPOND TO AND RUMINATE OVER BRO. SOMETIMES I LIKE TO WRITE FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER IN THE TOMB OF THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER BRO AND HE’S TRYING TO RECLAIM HIS IDENTITY IN CONTEMPORARY SOCIETY BRO.

OR WE COULD JUST THROW A RAGER AT MY HOUSE AND SEE WHERE THE NIGHT TAKES US BRO.

BUT IF IT GETS TO BE TOO MUCH AT ANY POINT, JUST SAY THE WORD BRO AND I’LL CUT THE MUSIC AND PLAY C-SPAN ON THE TV REALLY LOUD UNTIL EVERYONE CLEARS OUT BRO. IT’S ACTUALLY PRETTY DISAPPOINTING BECAUSE THEY COVER LOCAL POLITICS WHICH WE SHOULD ALL DO OUR PART TO STAY INVOLVED WITH BRO.

THE OTHER NIGHT I WAS READING GOETHE BRO AND ONE LINE THAT REALLY STUCK OUT TO ME WAS, “A MAN SEES IN THE WORLD WHAT HE CARRIES IN HIS HEART” BRO. FAUST BRO.

IN A WAY BRO, WE’RE ALL SELLING OUR SOUL TO SOMETHING OR SOME OTHER BRO. NOT NECESSARILY THE BRO MEPHISTOPHELES HIMSELF BUT EVIL THAT THE BRO MANIFESTS IN OUR LIVES BRO. EVEN AGNOSTIC BROS HOPE THE HEAVENLY-BRO WILL REDEEM THEM WHEN HELL-BRO COMES FOR REPAYMENT, BRO.

ANYWAYS I HOPE YOU CAN HEAR ME OVER THE MUSIC BRO. OR ELSE I’M JUST SCREAMING INTO THE ABYSS WHICH IS PROBABLY HOW IT FEELS TO BE IN YOUR SHOES RIGHT NOW BRO. AND WHILE I’D FEEL AWESOME WEARING SOME INERTIA BOOST 700S, IT’S PROBABLY NOT SO AWESOME SUCCUMBING TO ENNUI WHILE ALL YOUR BROS ARE TURNING UP BRO.

WHAT’S THAT BRO? YOU DIDN’T HEAR ANYTHING I JUST SAID BRO? OH WORD BRO?

OH, YOU SAID YOU’VE BEEN FEELING FINE THIS WHOLE TIME AND YOU WERE JUST THINKING HARD ABOUT WHAT TAPAS YOU SHOULD ORDER BRO. DON’T WORRY ABOUT WHAT I WAS SAYING BRO. IT WAS NOTHING BRO. JUST RAMBLING BRO.

GLAD TO HEAR YOU’RE DOING WELL BRO. SOUNDS LIKE YOU’RE FEELING HEALTHY BRO AND YOU’RE OUT HERE STARING OFF INTO SPACE FOR THREE TO FIVE MINUTES AT A TIME BRO AS IF YOU’RE INTENTLY LISTENING WHILE I OFFER SUPPORT BRO. I’M DOING WELL TOO BRO, NOT THAT YOU ASKED BRO.

ALSO, I WOULD GO WITH THE TRUFFLE FRIES BRO.


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