Partiful Updates from Your Acquaintance Who Is Clearly Spinning Out
Hey, does anyone have an EpiPen?
Tag: Parties
Schrödinger’s FOMO
If you do go out, you’ll immediately start thinking about when you can leave. If you don’t go out, you’ll immediately start wishing you had.
Monthly Budgeting for Rent, Groceries, Savings, and 30 Big Nights Out
There’s a secret to eating well on a tight budget. That secret is to not do it.
What Your Drink Order Says About Your Teaching Career
10th-grade math teacher: Once a year, on your birthday, you drink a full pint of vodka, walk into your closet, and scream.
This Chuck-E-Cheese Will No Longer Offer an “Animal Style” Option on a Secret Birthday Celebration Menu
It’s come to my attention that the Chuck E. Cheese off Highway 46 continues to offer a secret “Animal Style” option on their birthday celebration menu.
I’m Hosting a Chic Party in a Comedy Movie and NOBODY WILL END UP IN THAT POOL
Please try the ahi tuna croquette puffs—eat it off a toothpick next to that pool, just full of wet wet water.
Bro, Last Night Was a Movie—Specifically, a Yorgos Lanthimos Movie
Your vibe was soooo post-op lobotomy patient. Like, instead of being human, you were just impersonating one, you know?
You’re Invited to Your Kid’s Worst Friend’s Birthday at the Sketchiest Place in Town
It's time again to celebrate our beloved little Scarface-quoting third-grader. He's the reason your kid knows what ketamine is.
I Have Designated Myself as the Chief Operating Officer of This Fun Weekend Trip
Emily, I couldn’t help but notice you texted “we’re gonna soooooooooo fucked up. 🤪” Would you be willing to own next steps on that?
Paul Revere Updates the Bachelor Party He Still Hopes to Attend
Good news—lantern stuff is done. Borrowed John’s (as in Larkin's) geriatric horse and am headed to Concord now.
We’re Throwing an Adult Party
Do you like charades? Well you’ll love it when my college acquaintance puts "Malcolm Gladwell" in the bowl for you to act out.
Christmas in the Lobby
Please join us in the lobby to celebrate Christmas! We will scrounge up a folding chair or two and everyone will be afraid to sit.