One member described you as having "the chirpy positivity of a high school debate team coach."
The Palace suspects madness, black magic, or a bout of Royal amnesia, as His Majesty no longer seems acquainted with his Anglican upbringing.
There are just too many beautiful people here tonight! No, really. There are actually too many of you and roughly ten to fifteen people have to leave.
"Trains! Trains! Trains!" The party starts at 2 PM, but could start as late as 2:16 due to a cup that has caught fire on the track.
Having many strangers come to my home was a poorly thought-out concept, and adding alcohol to the mix surely would have created hellfire.
SORRY I HAVE TO YELL OVER THE MUSIC IN THIS NIGHTCLUB BUT YOU LOOK LIKE YOU’RE SUCCUMBING TO ENNUI BRO
LISTEN BRO. JUST REMEMBER THAT YOU CAN ALWAYS COME TO ME WHEN YOU’RE FEELING THIS WAY BRO.
"Jeepers creepers! They're going to scratch the place up!"
Here they come—the very few remaining loved ones that will still attend this charade. There’s Grandpa Ernie, wearing his pajamas.
I Am the Employer-Sponsored Workplace Pizza Party Intended to Make You Forget You Work for a Non-Living Wage and I Owe You an Apology
I am partially responsible for the continued shrinking of the middle class and growing wage gap among workers. I am sick about it.
I’m Quitting—This Bowling Alley Is Going to Have to Find a New CGI Skeleton to Go On-Screen After a Strike
I became a bowling alley screen animation because damn it, I love this sport and I love being a part of it.
Don’t invite Glug if you are having his former mate Praki who dumped him for that Neanderthal with the wheel.
These last ten months of social distancing, mask-wearing, and air-hugging have to have been especially tough on extroverts.