Redoing my will tomorrow. I may need your social security number. Don’t text it!

Everyone in Minneapolis sounds like Francis McDormand in Fargo.

Fun fact: My new truck is too big to fit in the garage.

Cat yawning on recliner

I just finished watching Pulp Fiction again. What a phenomenal film.

The cats are hunting each other. It’s hilarious.

I just watched Get Out. Excellent.

Watching The Sopranos. What a great show.

Have you seen my Oakley sunglasses? …Nevermind, I was holding them in my hand.

Alba the housekeeper told me of all the homes she works in, my cats are the most interesting pets.

Does anyone remember laughter?

Don’t flip the switch in the living room. Say, “Alexa, living room off.” Thanks.

Are you complaining?

Watching baseball with a cat

Saw The Mule today. Thought it was good.

The crickets are in full symphony tonight.

I need the Dodgers to win another World Series before I die.

Just finished watching E.T. I’m an emotional wreck.

I’m watching Hairspray Live. It’s really good. I DVR’ed it.

Dad in living room

Do you think I have an unhealthy relationship with the cats?

Listening to Doris Day’s greatest hits.

They say that when you dream that you’re snuggling an old cat, it means your dad is going to die.

On my way to see Chicago in concert!

Saw Jackson Browne last night. It was fantastic. What a great performer.

Can you grab me some batteries out of the console of my truck? Hearing aid batteries.

Don’t go giving your phone number to strangers.

Drive carefully.

Cat drinking in moderation meme

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It took me three years, but I just finished watching 236 episodes of Frasier. I didn’t watch it when it as originally on, but I have to say it still holds up today.

I’m making a rack of lamb tonight. Unless you join me, I’ll be eating it alone.

Join upcoming comedy classes in Satire & Sketch Writing, Improv, and Stand-Up.