Like Bruce Banner turns into The Hulk when he gets angry, I turn into Glargor whenever the concentration of Vitamin D in my blood dips below 15 ng/ml.
Our relationship---scratch that---friendship started when her sorority hired a petting zoo for a charity fundraiser.
He passed the way he lived, with quiet dignity. Nourishing the owners of Grace Organic Farm with the bravery, honor, and tender thighs of a true hero.
Redoing my will tomorrow. I may need your social security number. Don’t text it! / I just watched Get Out. Excellent.
A Chimp-Bather Among Us: This two-part documentary series suggests that on May 7, 2014, I stripped naked and scrubbed myself along with the chimps.
"Unless this is some sort of street lingo I need to brush up on, I think you may have accidentally contacted me. LOL!"
I know it’s not very masculine, but it’s really more for my family than anything. I would have gone with a bigger one if not for my wife.
If you want a salesman who spends all day practicing spitting into a spittoon so it makes a "ping" noise, I’m your guy.
"I got this weird monkey’s paw from some dude hanging outside of Port Authority. I was trying to buy weed and he said he had something stronger? Lol"
Some of these are horses that made the turns and came out on top. Some are turns of phrase associated with a horse still in the running.