We Are Cicadas Who Have Been Underground Since the Obama Administration
Now, front legs clasped, we surge skyward to a world replete with the bounties of over a decade of equality and universal healthcare!
Tag: Animals
Are You a Werewolf, Or Did You Eat Too Much Cheese Last Night?
You manage to get upright. The movement unsettles something inside of you. You groan, but do not recognize the sound.
Myths and Facts About Balloon Animals
Myth: Balloon animals hate humans for cursing them with life. Fact: Balloon animals only hate the specific human who inflated them.
Effective Immediately, We Are Cancelling Our Mentor-Manatee Program
We are especially pleased to announce that one of our program participants was named one of “30 Under 30 Feet of Water.” (Best of luck, Bubbles!)
Listen, Cat: I’m Not the Out-Of-Control Infant You Once Knew
Look, I know I’ve made mistakes in the past. The kicking. The jabbing. The grabbing. I was a real loose cannon there for a while.
FAQ About Giggles ‘N Scales, Florida’s Only Combination Daycare and Alligator Sanctuary
Q: What’s keeping gators from the kids? A: Nothing! Your kids can get up close and personal with our alligators.
Five Turtles You Saved to Get into College and the Spine-Chilling Deaths They’ve Died Since
From the moment you looked into Doris's eyes, you knew that your father's assistant who majored in Comp Lit at Yale would find the right words to describe them.
Monologue from the Rat You Made Eye Contact With
I was born here and I’ll die here and so will 500 of my brothers and sisters. You moved to New York City to go to NYU and major in bisexuality.
Ants in My Pants, and Other Animal Conundrums
I have a bug in my mug. I have electric eels in my high heels. I have a giraffe in my carafe.
At VERMO Liquid Ant Baits, We Don’t Sell Insecticide, We Sell Experiences
Because at VERMO Liquid Ant Baits, we don’t sell insecticide. We sell experiences.
Tenants Rights, According to Mice
Painting the unit is permitted, provided the tenants do so by stepping in jam and scurrying up the walls.
My Metamorphosis into a Monstrous Vermin Went Pretty Great, Actually
“I know you mean well, Dad,” my sister said. “But these days, it’s considered more polite to say ‘enormous insect’ rather than ‘monstrous vermin’.”