Spiders Should Start Wearing Cute Little Hats
Picture a spider eating a child, but now it’s wearing a tasteful little beret. People will ask, “Wow is that spider French?”
Tag: Animals
I Don’t Feel like the Dawn Dish Soap We Fed Those Ducks Covered in Oil Really Did Anything Helpful
Every time I tried to treat one, it would start freaking out and flapping its wings trying to fly away.
It’s So Hard to Break Out with an Independent Podcast That’s Just 45 Minutes of Dolphin Noises These Days
How can an outsider podcast hope to find an audience for its maritime squeaks, squawks, and screeches in such a crowded industry?
6 Questions to Identify the Difference Between Pumpkin Spice Season and Bumpkin Mice Season
This study will ask the big questions like: Are there mice and if so, are they dressed as tiny little country bumpkins?
We Get It, You Don’t Like Cow’s Milk Anymore. Here Are 6 Rodents We Milked Instead
Firstly, you shouldn’t be put off by the fact this milk is from a rat. This is top-shelf stuff in the rodent milk world.
An Orangutan’s Review of the Restaurant He Just Broke Into
It had just recently opened the moment I turned the corner, as I have no object permanence.
An Open Letter to Shark Experts and Statisticians
It's not like I’m going to be walking in the park only to be attacked by a stealthy vending machine that pops out from behind a tree.
My Job Is Amazing Even Though My Boss Is a Bloodthirsty Hammerhead Shark
Kevin demands only the best from his employees. He constantly circles my desk to “check in,” especially when I’m on my period.
Unbiased Yelp Review That Has Nothing to Do With the Fact the Restaurant Wouldn’t Accommodate My Sloth
The restaurant would tell you that a lot of my experiences were colored by my sloth, but I disagree. This could happen to anyone, even the slothless.
An Open Letter to the Hermit Crab Who Made My Apartment His Shell While I Was Away
I cannot help but feel like the law is on the side of the cold-blooded decapods of this world who travel willy-nilly from shell to shell.
My Excuse for Living Under a Rock? I’m a Pillbug.
I'm pre-approved for a dozen credit cards, but good luck getting to Wells Fargo without being eaten by robins.
How About Leaving Some Milk and Cookies Out for Me, the Easter Bunny?
It's me, the least popular character to break into your home and leave stuff in the name of celebration. Let me lay it out for you.