Funny Lists

Weekly funny lists for readers on the go. Quizzes

Things The Guy Yelled Before “Mortal Kombat!”

IF I REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT, I GREW UP IN A BIG FAMILY—I HAD 7 OTHER SIBLINGS. I’D GET NOTICED ONLY IF I YELLED REAL LOUDLY.

Look: I’m white. I’m a man. My home and backyard are filled with dangerous worker bees that produce honey for me. It’s not that unusual.

The “Calling Your Mom a Bitch” Filibuster – If 41 senators do this at least one time, the vote is delayed for a fortnight.

Last year, I met the lovely Emma outside a Concord tavern. She said she liked my tri-corner hat and asked if anything else of mine is tri-cornered.

"remember when i misread the vibe of the kickback at ur place and blacked out on a wednesday?" - nic0tin3 sad b0is

You clapped for me in music when I put all the recorders in my mouth at once. They tasted like the way a basketball smells.

You didn’t wake up to be mediocre. That’s the job of the deadbeat still sleeping in your bed.

@beyoncedad: Really @starsearch? Girls Tyme is way better than Skeleton Crew, who were just caught doing very bad things. DM me for exclusive pics.

The guy who told me he’d help me move, then stole my iconic Mallrats pin and puka shell necklace so he could more easily pretend to be me.

Doctor Zhivago vs. Babe – This talking pig is out for revenge against the Russian physicist and poet who ate his brother.

The Hollywood Reporter – Horror: To Pelt Holy Weed Washington Post – Stashing Pot Now The New Yorker – Reek, Thy Owner