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Tonight, if you have dedicated your life to anything other than archaic information, you’re gonna have a rough time.
New reservations are released four times a year at 2:01 AM on the Winter Solstice, the Summer Solstice, the Spring Equinox, and Armistice Day.
"A true friend doesn’t complain that they can’t give you their hoodie because their undershirt has an old stain.” --Anonymous
Q: I don't seem to be getting any other emails besides the reply-all thread. Can you fix that? A: Great question! Again, sorry, but no.
I had been changed into the hideous Mister Jekyll. That’s right... I WAS NO LONGER A DOCTOR!!!
Amazon is taking union-busting to another level. Starting next month, they’ll roll out a new feature to help customers get out of hopeless marriages.
That was dumb. You broke your toe on a cheap desk. Inhale. Clear your mind of that very stupid thing you did. Exhale. Stupid.
It’s just not something we care to do, because of our uncontrollable desire to own all of the boats and all of the cocaine.
Slang names for pickleball include lazy tennis, geriatric badminton, and "a weak excuse to drink Gatorade."
The Trust Fund: You wanted to move to Ibiza but needed a job since your father expects you to take over the family business; you settle for Madrid.
Florida resident Kevin Nick reported receipt of a package with a cryptic note reading, “Let me show you the shape of my heart.”
Multiple trips? No way. I’m not leaving anything to take in “next.” There is no “next.” There is only “bringing everything inside at once."