Unfortunately, You Have Not Been Accepted to the United States of America
You also referenced a desire to give your children a better life than you were afforded. Unfortunately, the board felt this was a bit unoriginal.
Tag: Satire and Parody
House Hunters: Underground Bunker Edition
A bunker in a cute town with lots of shops and restaurants would be more than fine. Ideally, it would be a community with a high walkability score.
Lil Math, The Highest Selling Algorithm in Gangsta Rap, Rants About Music Industry
I always knew I was meant for something greater, something I can truly touch people with, and get as much cash and booty in the process as possible.
Escape Room Mission Report for Susan’s 16th Birthday Party
When Lisa got bored and snuck a peek at the cobwebs, Julie told everyone about Lisa’s crush on your dandruffy history teacher.
What Satire Means to Me, a Straight, White, Cis Man
For me, satire is more than a literary genre. It’s the freedom to say whatever I want and not be accountable for any of it because “I’m just kidding.”
With These Latest Mass Shootings, We Condemn the Violent Influence of Princess Zelda, Donkey Kong, and Super Mario
Mario is the lust for violence incarnate wrapped in a disguise of respectability. Those green pipes you see are hardly plumbing simulators.
Bullets Beg America: Please Stop Bullying Us!
Okay, we’re a large part of literally every war, but so are doctors and no one blames them.
As an Old and Bitter Movie Critic, I’m Finding Third-Act Problems in My Own Life
My life—the sophomore outing by parents William and Eloise Cunningham—begins confidently enough in suburban Nebraska.
Ain’t Nobody Else Getting Up to This Here Bar
There isn't a law on the books or rule of decorum that will get us to budge. Civilization has no hold over us this deep in the crowd.
3 Ways to Die with Dignity While Choking on an Old Band-Aid in a Victoria’s Secret
If you’ve timed it right, you will be dead before you hit the floor. Your death will look like that of a hero defending the store from a shoplifter.