My Wife and I Are Child-Free, Todd
That air of unbridled exhilaration and freedom you had? We always have that look, Todd. Because we never have to deal with your wretched offspring.
Tag: Satire and Parody
The Mayor of New York City Should Be an Actual Train
Whereas politicians say lies, trains say only “choo-choo” and “chuga-chuga” and “stand clear of the closing doors, please.”
I Starred as “Greg” in a Corporate Sexual Harassment Training Video and It Ruined My Life
For approximately 134,000 of my New Brunswick neighbors and others across the globe, I became the face of workplace sexual harassment.
The Stages of Trying to Convince Yourself You Like the New Weezer Album
3. Bargaining: “Maybe if they make some goofy videos it’ll make up for the shitty songs, right? I mean, come on, it works for OK Go."
How to Lift Your Glutes Without Squats
Take Time To Ideate: Commune with your butt on the shape and altitude you’d like to achieve together.
New High School Senior Portrait Packages
I Love My Car Package: This package is specially designed for those whose 16th birthday was the greatest moment of their life.
Two Sports-Talkers Talking Sports Talk
HELLOOOOO! Hope you brought the peanut butter, because that my friend was a mouthwatering jam!
My Girlfriend Tries to Break Up With Me, A One-Off Character Who Needs to Quickly Deliver a Lot of Exposition
"Is this because you just lost your job? We’ve been through this, you’re an excellent reporter and they had no right to fire you! You won a Pulitzer!"
Master Template for Every Championship Sports Interview Ever Given
"I set a goal [NUMBER OF YEARS THE TEAM HAS BEEN TERRIBLE] ago and I was determined to give it [CLICHÉ FROM MOTIVATIONAL KITTEN CALENDAR]."
“Excuse Me, Can Any Fellow Emails in This Spam Folder Direct Me to the Inbox, Please?”
“Am I in the spam folder? I gotta get out of here.”“WARNING: YOUR HOUSE IS INFESTED WITH HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA.”